"Fine, whatever!" Kate spat, scowling as she tried looking out of window, a black mirror giving her a fragment of her own reflection. She saw herself, looking hurt as Matt kept going on with his rant. Specially as he rolled off her, almost as if he needed the physical distance.
Her aching heart shifted on the rythm of its beating, showing true hurt.
"Matt..." Karen sighed, shaking her head. But she dropped the issue, letting the car become silent.
Not even those pets managed to stop Lucky's whimpering.
He noticed her hurt. Matt tried initially to rationalize it in his head. Kate had started and forced the argument. She hadn't stopped. Matt was programmed to respond in kind. It was part of his nature, part of his profession. Perhaps if the night hadn't been as awful as it had been he'd have been able to walk away and let her win the argument, but it had been a terrible night and he felt like he was being ganged up on by them. It was one thing when he'd been trying to run in and fight Fisk, it was another when he couldn't see the logic in making two stops when they were trying to lay low.
Somewhere in him said that he was the adult here. That for all Kate said she was on equal footing with him, he felt guilty for fighting back against a young woman who'd also had a rough night. Even if it was just because she had pricked his defense of another friend, Josie.
He did shift to just sit on the floor in the car. Folded up as he was hurt him physically, but it seemed wiser than continuing to be close to Kate when she was upset. He pet Lucky, even if it didn't seem to be doing anything to help the dog.
"If you'd just wanted to see your penthouse, you could have just said that, you know," he finally said in a low voice. "It wouldn't be the smartest option, but I would at least understand you wanting to see it. And pick up what you could from it. So we can stop by. If you want. To get what you need." A beat. "Josie is really proud of her bar, though. So. Talk shit about me if you want, but be nice to her about the place."
"Matt," Karen called his name again. As glad as she was that he had changed the tone of his voice, she knew that lecturing an upset girl after everything they went through would do little to change the atmosphere.
"No, I don't want to go to the penthouse," Kate muttered, keeping her voice quiet as her tone showed she was truly upset now. She wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand before wrapping herself on Karen's jacket, turning even more towards the window until both Karen and Matt could mostly just see her back.
"I was messing around, I wasn't being serious." There was bitterness in her voice even though she sounded apologetic.
"It didn't sound like joking to me. It sounded like you were arguing." Proof that even with his abilities, they weren't foolproof with intentions. At least not when emotions were running this high. "So. I didn't pick up on that." A beat. "Josie's gets looked down on a lot for being a shithole. It isn't. Not even to joke about. And... I don't want you to lose one of your homes tonight, too."
He'd lost more than just a place this evening. He'd lost his remaining memories of the past. Sure, Kate had other places to live, but the penthouse was where she grew up. How many pictures did Eleanor save there from those treasure boxes? Matt didn't want her to go through what he had tonight.
He was supposed to lead an army, and he couldn't even keep his temper in check when purposely needled.
Some leader.
He was going to screw all of this up so badly.
"... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought your home into the argument." Kate had been vulgar, but he hadn't had to stoop to that level, too. "I won't do it again."
Kate didn't say anything except a quiet 'that's okay' after Matt apologized, instead chewing on one of her nails as her heartbeat little by little shifted into a more calm rythm.
She was frustrated and embarrassed, having messed up and acted like everything she didn't want to be around Matt. Or around Karen. She felt indeed like a child again, letting out stuttering breaths as she fought to hold her tears back.
So much for being an adult, for being professional. For being up to the circumstances. Now she would't be able to even face Matt's friend without feeling guilty. Truth be told, she now just wanted to go back home. Hide. Forget about how the world had gone to hell.
Maybe deep down she had wanted to stop by the penthouse. Have something familiar to hold onto.
The rest of the ride had been long and quiet, the silence interrupted as Karen asked Matt to check if he heard anything suspicious. Sirens afar, cops anywhere near the next few roads. Luckilly, Josie's block was dark and quiet.
What he said didn't seem to help, so he left it be lest he make the situation worse with Kate. Once they arrived at Josie's and stealth walked to the back of the bar, they were let in by the older woman. The lights were off, obviously, but she had some candles doing inside where it wasn't near the windows. Matt gave her a hug, even though she didn't know who he really was. She did know Daredevil though and welcomed him, along with Karen and Kate. Of course they could use this space as a meeting ground. No, she wouldn't think of letting Fisk frighten her away. They could also use her upstairs apartment if they wanted to wash up. There were some clothes there as well, some old suits of her old paramour for Matt, though he declined to protect his anonymity. At least for now.
Matt set to talking to the people he knew. Luke would stay at the prison until the power was back at least - things were maintaining for right now. He let Karen know, so she could tell Kate. Everyone else would meet at the allotted time in the morning. BB was staying suspiciously silent for now - he worried about her, but maybe she was in a strategic position that would be compromised by reaching out just yet. Matt hoped that was the case, rather than the alternative.
Frank hadn't checked in, either.
Matt stood near the closed door near the back of the building, still in his uniform. The thought of sleeping seemed laughable right now. He should be out there. He was tempted to go out and help who he could until morning. Put on one of those old suits even, wrap a scarf around his face. Or did the world need to see Daredevil out there, bold and proud? Probably.
For the first time really, Matt had to think strategically outside the courtroom, beyond just his own movements. He felt woefully out of his depth.
Head tiled at the heartbeat behind him, he just said, "You can go wash up ahead of me. I'm good."
Kate had not been wrong. With Josie's warm welcome and generosity, she could't shake off her body a sense of guilt that came with what she initially had intended to be taken as nothing but banter. But that's the problem, isn't it? Matt might not be able to get intentions behind some words, but Kate doesn't get the cues. Never knows when to stop because she has never taken a 'no' for an answer easily, has she?
She was shy as she thanked their host, who wasted no time in setting a bowl with water that Lucky eagerly drank from. She offered refreshmets too, motherly as she noted just how tired all of them looked. Truth be told, Kate felt emotionally drained too. She had been forced to leave her home. Then there was the gala and Matt getting shot. The fight in his apartment, finding out about Foggy. Running from one spot of the city to the other as they slowly watched everything fall apart around them.
Karen spoke enthusiastically with their host as they shared a drink, leaving little room for Kate to participate in this conversation about the past. She was almost thankful for it, mostly listening to those shared anecdotes while taking sips from her cup of tea.
Eventually, after excusing herself, Kate left both women at the bar, heading back towards the stairs that would lead her up to the apartment. She was so tired that she had a headache already. Her head throbbed as she dragged her feet, feeling a little betrayed by a Lucky who had stayed down at Karen's feet instead of coming along.
And there she found him, lurking in the dark in a spot where the candles Josie had set up could barely reach with their light. Matt blended in with the darkness so well that she couldn't help the brief fright that shocked her to her core. For a brief moment Kate was really glad to be a decent person and not his enemy. Because a guy like him hunting her down? She would have given up before even fighting him.
She wasn't sure if she should approach him or not. But Matt spoke first. Only then did Kate step closer.
"I'm good too," she lied.
Silence took over again.
"The internet is gone now too," she offered, wondering if a mixture of catching up with the news and making casual conversation would make things easier. She doubted it. "Someone posted on social media something about a guy the police claims was a vigilante, but people took videos and they're saying it was just a guy in a beanie." That's what it was all coming down to? Vigilantes becoming scapegoats. "It was going viral and then the internet went down." People still had extra batteries, could still use their phones as weapons by recording the police and threatening with exposing them.
But what happens when you can't share your truth?
They can't rely on it to connect with each other. Like Alice predicted, Fisk would soon be monitoring social media. They would probably keep an eye on Matt's phone. On everyone he loved.
He heard the lie. He heard everyone's lies. A part of Matt wondered why people bothered at all with him when they knew what he could do. It left the onus on him to either call them out or accept it for the other person's sake. He was too tired to do any calling out. He was standing because he was pretty certain if he sat down he might not be able to get back up again. He'd put distance between himself and the three women, stowing himself near the exit in his crisis on leaving or not. That was also the thing, wasn't it? Matt wasn't ever truly alone. He couldn't be. Even standing by himself in the shadows, he heard what was going on outside. He could help more people if he went out there. If he made a mistake out there, he might bring enemies down on Josie's and ruin what they were planning for tomorrow.
He leaned one hand on the doorframe, letting his weight shift from one foot to another to give each aching foot a momentary break from carrying his weight. He listened to Kate, not forgetting how young she'd sounded in the car. How she'd been crying. 'There's a fire raging inside of you, Matthew. The only thing a fire cannot consume is a fire that is it's equal.' Perhaps Elektra had been right about that part, but either way, it did burn away everything else he cared about around him. And once the fire was out inside of him, what would even be left?
He didn't know who he even was anymore.
He gave a small nod at what she said. His voice sounded hoarse when he spoke. Had he even been yelling that much? Or was his body simply at its limits? "The internet will return when the power does, most likely. Fisk can't keep the city blacked out forever. Peter and Alice are good at technology, so they might be able to set up a secure channel that Fisk can't hack. If they can't, we go old school. We use burner phones with one another. We get the word out by mouth. People have rebelled in the past without the internet. We can, too. I've already contacted those I trust to come tomorrow. I told them to bring those they trust, too. Nothing in life comes easy, why should this be any different?"
Nothing in his life had ever come easy, at least.
As to Heather... "No." He didn't elaborate beyond that. He wasn't going to. He might love her, but he couldn't trust her. She might spill whatever he said to Fisk, and right now, he couldn't risk that.
He gestured up the steps.
"Go. Wash up, get some rest. Tomorrow's going to be a big day. The coming days are all going to be big. We are taking back this city, Kate. I may not know everything, but I do know how to keep fighting."
Even though Kate had been keeping her distance, almost afraid that if she got too close to Matt she would get burnt by his rage, she finally dared to step closer. Kate had been testing the waters, wondering if he was still mad after the argument in the car. She could feel the tension, but at the very least, most of it wasn't aimed at her.
He wasn't sharing his thoughts about what is going with his girlfriend and dismissed her not because he doesn't want her there, right? Matt genuinelly worries about everybody, can probably even sense the bags under her eyes and how, despite of how he had patched her up at Frank's, her whole body hurt.
Kate reached for his arm.
"What about you? Why're you here all on your own? Don't you wanna catch up with Karen and your friend?"
He gave a small shake of his head. "I don't think I'd make very good company right now. Besides, I had to set it up so people would know to come here tomorrow." Where he'd what? Lead an army? He didn't even lead his own law firm. Not by himself. He'd let Foggy and now Kirsten handle most of the administrative stuff, with Matt just swooping in to argue cases and charm money their way. He'd never had to shoulder all the day to day details of running anything before, minus the brief period after Elektra's death when he was a completely solo agent. Now he had an entire city's worth of people's lives in his hands, in a way that he'd never had before with just his nightly rounds.
He didn't pull away when she touched his arm, but he did pivot a little to face in the direction of the door. Behind that wooden frame was an eternal night. He let out a breath. "You know, for once the city is seeing the way I do." Which was to say, they couldn't actually see at all. Not with all the lights out. "For once I should have the advantage." Since he was used to lacking traditional sight, and had long since learned to use his enhanced senses to compensate. Yet even with his current edge, he hadn't managed to really make a dent in Fisk's plans so far.
Shaking his head he repeated, "You're tired. You should get some rest."
Was Matt blaming himself? He had been snappy, but Kate had pushed. And even though she could always shield herself behind the fact that she is physically, mentally and also emotionally exhausted...
So is Matt.
She didn't push this time, letting her fingers slip off his arm even though he had not really, fully pulled away.
"If you are planning to go put there, I'm not staying behind," she pointed out as firmly as she could muster. Which wasn't saying much.
"If I go out there I could help a lot of people. If I go out there, I could also fuck us over for tomorrow and going forward. So. No. I'm not planning on going out there." His tone was a touch bitter about it though, feeling guilt over having made that choice. If he tipped anyone off about Josie's, they were goners. If he got stuck in a rescue and missed the meeting tomorrow morning, he'd ruin the chance to establish trust with those who showed up. He saw the value in playing the long game, he knew he couldn't save everyone tonight with his fists. That didn't mean he wasn't also aware that there were some people he could save tonight, and listening to his city right now, it was a weight he'd have to carry the rest of his life.
So, that's it. He's upset, frustrated because even though Kate is surprised Matt is even able to still stand on his own feet, he wants to go and help but is aware of how that could backfire. He is being strategic. Because that's the game they are forced to play with Fisk now. It's all been one big strategy after the other.
And Fisk keeps taking chess pieces from their board.
It's time to renew them.
But what else can she offer? Nothing will comfort him right now, nothing will take his mind of a city he so feels connected with. A city that is blind to its dangers sometimes. One that when it bleeds, she knows Matt feels it in his own veins.
What can she do? Offer to go out there on her own? She can't take it, not like him. It would be childish.
At hearing her voice, Matt turned a little to face her. There was a moment of silence before he said quietly, "Yeah, me too. I shouldn't have blown up like that." He'd already apologized earlier, but it felt right to say it again. It was such a stupid argument, and he shouldn't always have to keep going to win. Especially when the literal city was at stake. His nerves were absolutely scraped raw, but he knew that Kate's were, too.
He leaned against the doorframe and gave a small, tired smile.
"I don't know why I always bother doing that. Turning to face someone when we're talking. It's not like I can see them." He can sense people, but he doesn't need to face them to do that. He gave a small shrug while musing. "I guess it's just polite. Makes people more comfortable to have someone standing like that than with their back to them." For all that Matt didn't care what other people thought about him, he did take their feelings into consideration with not wanting them hurt. Following some social conventions was something he just did then, even if his eyes never quite looked at hers. His head was always tilted towards her though when she spoke, the best he could manage. He didn't know exactly where her eyes were.
He scuffed his foot on the ground. "I don't know why that came to mind just now." A beat. "I don't want you uncomfortable around me." He didn't want to frighten her.
Even though Matt had already apologized before and been quite gracious about the whole deal, Kate still couldn't shake off her system just how mad he still was as Karen drove them to Josie's. This time around? Talking more calmly helped easing the tension she'd been carrying on her chest.
But before Kate could say anything, the conversation took an unexpected twist. Matt brought something up Kate had always almost taken for granted. A gesture that seemed so natural, but that clearly was mostly natural to people who could actually see.
It was such a random thing to say, to realize. And random was good, it meant his mind could still wander towards something else than everything that was worrying them at the moment. That is, until the penny dropped. Until Kate understood why he was thinking about going out of his way to make people feel more at ease around him.
For a moment, Kate said nothing, fidgeting with the covered fingers on her archery glove. Her eyes were finally getting used to the darkness, even when the tiny flames of the candles could barely reach them, the long shadows they casted blending into the darkness of where they both stood.
But Kate could finally see more than his silhouette.
"Matt, I've never felt uncomfortable around you." There was a certain shyness Kate still couldn't quite shake off her voice. Maybe she was simply too drained, that tiredness having taken away that natural loudness she usually carried with her. "Not when I first met you, not even -- I wasn't uncomfortable tonight." Had he been worried about that? "Not with you, anyway. I was -- Ashamed, embarrassed. And I knew you had a point and I hated having disappointed you."
He could tell she was being honest with him. His shoulders relaxed a little hearing that he hadn't caused irreparable damage to their relationship by his arguing. "Good. I'm glad. I didn't have to treat it like a court case. I went too hard. I do that sometimes." He had trouble with pulling his punches. Not that he'd ever hit someone he loved, but he also didn't want to be someone who hurt people in other ways. "I just... really didn't want to bring trouble into your home. You're already going through a lot." Perhaps he was being overly cautious, but where did anyone draw that line right now?
His legs were on fire, a blistering pain radiating through them and up his back. He limped to the room next to the back exit, Josie's office, and collapsed into one of the chairs. There was no way he was making it up the stairs. Outside the darkness was easing away from it's peak. Before too long, it'd be morning. Light would come, whether Fisk wanted it to or not. Matt could sense it not by the visuals, but because of the changes in temperature.
There was so much he could sense, yet somehow, he also missed so much.
"You know, when I was a kid, after the accident..." had he ever even told Kate that he'd lost his sight after an accident, rather than being born this way? Matt couldn't remember. "I thought God had taken my sight. When I grew up, I came to believe that in exchange, he'd given me a special destiny." A wry, slightly self-loathing smile came to his face. "Like a mask and a purpose could save my life. It didn't."
He leaned back in his seat. "It wasn't the mask. It was me needing to believe in it that saved me. My mistake was thinking I was immune to the darkness. And I let it creep inside of me. Someone I knew well once told me that I was born from fire. That if I didn't properly welcome it, it'd burn what was around me, anyway. She wasn't wrong. I did let the dark power me. I threw Poindexter off that rooftop. I wanted to kill him. The truth is, ever since Foggy died, I didn't know who I was anymore. I feel lost without him.
What if I'm not the man he thought I was without him?"
Later they might joke about this. About how this is one of those rare moments when Kate finds herself speechless. They're both too tired, probably too tired to be having this conversation to begin with, one with so much honesty and vulnerability.
It was Kate's heart who seemed to be doing all the talking instead.
Before she could say anything, she watched him groan, limp, finally moving away from the door. Kate took a step back, giving him room as she figured he was heading upstairs to thankfully finally get some rest. But she could also see his struggle, how he chose a closer spot by heading into the office. As Matt finally settled on a chair, Kate closed the door behind them, aware that Daredevil would be granted his privacy. Nobody but Karen would dare to interrupt that.
The place felt cold without any heating and, with only a single candle on top of a desk to guide her, Kate scanned the room in the hopes of finding some blanket, something to cover him up. But Matt spoke up again, leaving her speechless for the second time.
No, she had never heard about his past, about how some accident was to blame for the lost of his sight. Or how he had coped with it. With what he obviously considered his calling. Her heart broke into even more pieces of the fragments the last few hours had left her with. It broke for the scared little boy that he had once been, for the broken and lost man that he was now.
"Matt..." Closing the distance between them, Kate carefully placed her hands on each side of his helmet. She waited for any signs of protest. When he didn't, she gently removed the mask.
Talking to Daredevil wasn't an option. Not to those inexpressive scarlet eyes. Matt might not be able to focus with his own, but he was always attentive. And even if he couldn't see her back, she still always feels that those soulfull eyes somehow connect with her. Because he was the kinda guy who won't be offering you his back. He went out of his way to make people comfortable. Matt seeked that connection in every way he could.
"I'm not - I'm not gonna pretend I know you like Foggy did or like Karen does." Careful and almost with solemnity, Kate left the mask on the desk by their side, pulling a chair closer, until she was able to sit pretty much within his personal space. He had pulled her in first, sharing such intimate thoughts.
"But I know, I swear that I have no doubt, not even the faintest doubt, that Foggy believed in you. Karen believes in you. I believe in you too. Because --" Her fingertips ghosted over his face, just like his did before when he felt Kate's face for the first time back at the hospital. It had been a silent request, permission to let him see through her. Now, she asked of him the same thing as she cupped his face in the hopes that he'd listen, that whatever spark was still left in him would actually listen to what she had to say.
"Because you are all of those things. Yes, you wanted to kill Bullseye. Tonight I almost thought I lost you and trust me, I wanted to kill Fisk myself." Matt himself thought she had been joking, she knew he trusted she was a better person than that. But that was the raw truth. "This is who I believe that you are, Matt. Someone who can be full of rage and pain, but also the kindest person I know. One that can sacrifice himself even for his biggest enemy, because you are a good man. You are human, with flaws, but with such a big heart. Giving your everything for the people you care about. Your loved ones or strangers."
She stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs, aware of how the more she spoke, the more her voice broke. But Kate sounded as firm as ever.
"And if I can see that, I bet you, I bet you that without a doubt Foggy saw much more. He was proud of you, flaws or not. You are so much better than you allow yourself to believe. You deserve to forgive yourself."
For losing Foggy. For letting that darkness overpower him when pain took over. For doubting himself.
Edited (Sorry about the edits, but this wonderful thread doesn't deserve all those typos.) Date: 2025-04-24 12:04 am (UTC)
[OOC: ETA Stick, because I refuse to forget him. But also to say please edit as much as needed! It doesn't bother me, and I love our threads, too. :) I don't mind typos, but I also get wanting to make things perfect. It's all groovy.]
Matt didn't protest as Kate lifted his helmet. His hair curled against his brow, sticky and damp with sweat and grime. His brown eyes, the same color as the coffee he insisted be prepared right, were dark and unfocused but indeed full of emotion. They only closed as Kate explored his face. Felt over the stubble and the age lines. The planes and angles. Perhaps committed it to memory in her way, though her manner of seeing would always be different - something they might learn from one another rather than divide.
He reached up eventually to lightly place his hands over her forearms, running down them until he took her hands in his. His chest squeezed at what she said. He wanted it to be true. Desperately. He wanted to think that Foggy wouldn't have given up on him, and that they people who still believed in him did so without cause for doubt.
He wanted to do right by them.
"It's funny, isn't it?" There was a faint, tired smile on Matt's face. A smile of sorrow and of remembrance. Of threading the past into the present to carry into the future. It hurt to mention Foggy. Early on, Matt hadn't even said his name. Now he offered bits of memories so that they might not be forgotten, to further tie himself to Kate. "Everyone is just one person in the world. Yet to someone, that one person is the world. If we're lucky." Foggy had been Matt's world. He'd also been the world to so many others. Family, friends. Individuals who he'd saved through his legal prowess. The world was worse off for that loss, but it had been better for the time it had while Foggy had lived.
He hoped that Kate had people like that in her life, too.
He hoped she knew that she was that person to even more than she might think.
"I guess the only thing left to do is get up off the mat and try, right?" He didn't quite forgive himself yet. Didn't quite fully believe that he could do this, wage war against Fisk with him at the helm. He was certain though that he had to try. There was no way Foggy would have taken this lying down, either. Nor Jack, nor Elektra. Not Lantom or Stick. Not Hector. Not so many people who were living too, people who were rising up and needed a direction in which to go. Somewhere to look.
Well, while the city was dark, Matt was still able to see. He hoped that was still the case even when the dawn arise.
He squeezed her hands.
"Let's get some rest. In the morning, we're going to war."
Kate had been so worried. Since the car, it had been eating her up. Not just because for the briefest of moments she had convinced of the damange she'd left on their relationship. But also over Matt. She worried for that blow he'd taken to the heart. How many blows. Since Foggy died, he had taken the punishment over and over again. Silently and with that charming smile of his, but a sad note he couldn't quite wipe off his face. Kate had noticed it every time.
Even now she had seen the sadness as he offered a small smile, a little prize for the earnesty of Kate's words, she wondered. Had that worked? Did he believe everything she said? She had no doubt that Matt knew they were true to Kate, but could he believe them himself? Will he ever forgive himself for what was not his fault but had still taken Foggy from him?
Its funny, isn't it?
She didn't know if it was funny, she had been too focused on how he had touched her arms, how his hands had explored her skin until they reached her hands. Kate knew that was a language on itself for Matt and her heart was somehow trying to translate it. Not a romantic hidden meaning, but the connection.
It's time for Kate to smile with a little sadness. For the memories. For the many friends that she has and that came to mind, none matching exactly the description Matt talked about. Neither did her past few romantic relationships. She might have been someone's person for a while, but it was brief. Short-lived as he would see it, given his age. It's nothing like what Matt and Foggy had.
Kate grieved, for a while. But grieving a broken relationship is one thing. Nothing prepares you to the grief of losing a close friend. Losing your parents makes you an orphan. Losing a partner a widow or widower. But there's no word for someone who loses a friend.
"I think it's only been my parents for me," she agrees quietly, not even considering for a second that he might be thinking differently of her and the people that surround Kate. Nowadays, she doesn't even know what to think of her relationship with her mom. But in her mother's heart? Even through the cracks, Kate is sure she still has a place in there. That Eleanor did everything she did to protect her daughter, in her own messed up way.
Matt squeezed her hands and Kate leaned forward, her forehead touching his brow.
"Can you move now? There's a couch here against that wall." Can he make it upstairs?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 12:39 am (UTC)Her aching heart shifted on the rythm of its beating, showing true hurt.
"Matt..." Karen sighed, shaking her head. But she dropped the issue, letting the car become silent.
Not even those pets managed to stop Lucky's whimpering.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 12:52 am (UTC)Somewhere in him said that he was the adult here. That for all Kate said she was on equal footing with him, he felt guilty for fighting back against a young woman who'd also had a rough night. Even if it was just because she had pricked his defense of another friend, Josie.
He did shift to just sit on the floor in the car. Folded up as he was hurt him physically, but it seemed wiser than continuing to be close to Kate when she was upset. He pet Lucky, even if it didn't seem to be doing anything to help the dog.
"If you'd just wanted to see your penthouse, you could have just said that, you know," he finally said in a low voice. "It wouldn't be the smartest option, but I would at least understand you wanting to see it. And pick up what you could from it. So we can stop by. If you want. To get what you need." A beat. "Josie is really proud of her bar, though. So. Talk shit about me if you want, but be nice to her about the place."
no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 01:02 am (UTC)"No, I don't want to go to the penthouse," Kate muttered, keeping her voice quiet as her tone showed she was truly upset now. She wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand before wrapping herself on Karen's jacket, turning even more towards the window until both Karen and Matt could mostly just see her back.
"I was messing around, I wasn't being serious." There was bitterness in her voice even though she sounded apologetic.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 01:14 am (UTC)He'd lost more than just a place this evening. He'd lost his remaining memories of the past. Sure, Kate had other places to live, but the penthouse was where she grew up. How many pictures did Eleanor save there from those treasure boxes? Matt didn't want her to go through what he had tonight.
He was supposed to lead an army, and he couldn't even keep his temper in check when purposely needled.
Some leader.
He was going to screw all of this up so badly.
"... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought your home into the argument." Kate had been vulgar, but he hadn't had to stoop to that level, too. "I won't do it again."
God he hoped they arrived soon.
no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 01:28 am (UTC)She was frustrated and embarrassed, having messed up and acted like everything she didn't want to be around Matt. Or around Karen. She felt indeed like a child again, letting out stuttering breaths as she fought to hold her tears back.
So much for being an adult, for being professional. For being up to the circumstances. Now she would't be able to even face Matt's friend without feeling guilty. Truth be told, she now just wanted to go back home. Hide. Forget about how the world had gone to hell.
Maybe deep down she had wanted to stop by the penthouse. Have something familiar to hold onto.
The rest of the ride had been long and quiet, the silence interrupted as Karen asked Matt to check if he heard anything suspicious. Sirens afar, cops anywhere near the next few roads. Luckilly, Josie's block was dark and quiet.
"C'mon."
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Date: 2025-04-22 01:41 am (UTC)Matt set to talking to the people he knew. Luke would stay at the prison until the power was back at least - things were maintaining for right now. He let Karen know, so she could tell Kate. Everyone else would meet at the allotted time in the morning. BB was staying suspiciously silent for now - he worried about her, but maybe she was in a strategic position that would be compromised by reaching out just yet. Matt hoped that was the case, rather than the alternative.
Frank hadn't checked in, either.
Matt stood near the closed door near the back of the building, still in his uniform. The thought of sleeping seemed laughable right now. He should be out there. He was tempted to go out and help who he could until morning. Put on one of those old suits even, wrap a scarf around his face. Or did the world need to see Daredevil out there, bold and proud? Probably.
For the first time really, Matt had to think strategically outside the courtroom, beyond just his own movements. He felt woefully out of his depth.
Head tiled at the heartbeat behind him, he just said, "You can go wash up ahead of me. I'm good."
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Date: 2025-04-22 09:40 am (UTC)She was shy as she thanked their host, who wasted no time in setting a bowl with water that Lucky eagerly drank from. She offered refreshmets too, motherly as she noted just how tired all of them looked. Truth be told, Kate felt emotionally drained too. She had been forced to leave her home. Then there was the gala and Matt getting shot. The fight in his apartment, finding out about Foggy. Running from one spot of the city to the other as they slowly watched everything fall apart around them.
Karen spoke enthusiastically with their host as they shared a drink, leaving little room for Kate to participate in this conversation about the past. She was almost thankful for it, mostly listening to those shared anecdotes while taking sips from her cup of tea.
Eventually, after excusing herself, Kate left both women at the bar, heading back towards the stairs that would lead her up to the apartment. She was so tired that she had a headache already. Her head throbbed as she dragged her feet, feeling a little betrayed by a Lucky who had stayed down at Karen's feet instead of coming along.
And there she found him, lurking in the dark in a spot where the candles Josie had set up could barely reach with their light. Matt blended in with the darkness so well that she couldn't help the brief fright that shocked her to her core. For a brief moment Kate was really glad to be a decent person and not his enemy. Because a guy like him hunting her down? She would have given up before even fighting him.
She wasn't sure if she should approach him or not. But Matt spoke first. Only then did Kate step closer.
"I'm good too," she lied.
Silence took over again.
"The internet is gone now too," she offered, wondering if a mixture of catching up with the news and making casual conversation would make things easier. She doubted it. "Someone posted on social media something about a guy the police claims was a vigilante, but people took videos and they're saying it was just a guy in a beanie." That's what it was all coming down to? Vigilantes becoming scapegoats. "It was going viral and then the internet went down." People still had extra batteries, could still use their phones as weapons by recording the police and threatening with exposing them.
But what happens when you can't share your truth?
They can't rely on it to connect with each other. Like Alice predicted, Fisk would soon be monitoring social media. They would probably keep an eye on Matt's phone. On everyone he loved.
"Have you talked to Heather?"
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Date: 2025-04-22 11:01 am (UTC)He leaned one hand on the doorframe, letting his weight shift from one foot to another to give each aching foot a momentary break from carrying his weight. He listened to Kate, not forgetting how young she'd sounded in the car. How she'd been crying. 'There's a fire raging inside of you, Matthew. The only thing a fire cannot consume is a fire that is it's equal.' Perhaps Elektra had been right about that part, but either way, it did burn away everything else he cared about around him. And once the fire was out inside of him, what would even be left?
He didn't know who he even was anymore.
He gave a small nod at what she said. His voice sounded hoarse when he spoke. Had he even been yelling that much? Or was his body simply at its limits? "The internet will return when the power does, most likely. Fisk can't keep the city blacked out forever. Peter and Alice are good at technology, so they might be able to set up a secure channel that Fisk can't hack. If they can't, we go old school. We use burner phones with one another. We get the word out by mouth. People have rebelled in the past without the internet. We can, too. I've already contacted those I trust to come tomorrow. I told them to bring those they trust, too. Nothing in life comes easy, why should this be any different?"
Nothing in his life had ever come easy, at least.
As to Heather... "No." He didn't elaborate beyond that. He wasn't going to. He might love her, but he couldn't trust her. She might spill whatever he said to Fisk, and right now, he couldn't risk that.
He gestured up the steps.
"Go. Wash up, get some rest. Tomorrow's going to be a big day. The coming days are all going to be big. We are taking back this city, Kate. I may not know everything, but I do know how to keep fighting."
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Date: 2025-04-22 05:20 pm (UTC)He wasn't sharing his thoughts about what is going with his girlfriend and dismissed her not because he doesn't want her there, right? Matt genuinelly worries about everybody, can probably even sense the bags under her eyes and how, despite of how he had patched her up at Frank's, her whole body hurt.
Kate reached for his arm.
"What about you? Why're you here all on your own? Don't you wanna catch up with Karen and your friend?"
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Date: 2025-04-22 08:52 pm (UTC)He didn't pull away when she touched his arm, but he did pivot a little to face in the direction of the door. Behind that wooden frame was an eternal night. He let out a breath. "You know, for once the city is seeing the way I do." Which was to say, they couldn't actually see at all. Not with all the lights out. "For once I should have the advantage." Since he was used to lacking traditional sight, and had long since learned to use his enhanced senses to compensate. Yet even with his current edge, he hadn't managed to really make a dent in Fisk's plans so far.
Shaking his head he repeated, "You're tired. You should get some rest."
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Date: 2025-04-22 09:32 pm (UTC)So is Matt.
She didn't push this time, letting her fingers slip off his arm even though he had not really, fully pulled away.
"If you are planning to go put there, I'm not staying behind," she pointed out as firmly as she could muster. Which wasn't saying much.
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Date: 2025-04-22 09:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-22 10:04 pm (UTC)And Fisk keeps taking chess pieces from their board.
It's time to renew them.
But what else can she offer? Nothing will comfort him right now, nothing will take his mind of a city he so feels connected with. A city that is blind to its dangers sometimes. One that when it bleeds, she knows Matt feels it in his own veins.
What can she do? Offer to go out there on her own? She can't take it, not like him. It would be childish.
"... I'm sorry about before, Matt."
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Date: 2025-04-22 10:44 pm (UTC)He leaned against the doorframe and gave a small, tired smile.
"I don't know why I always bother doing that. Turning to face someone when we're talking. It's not like I can see them." He can sense people, but he doesn't need to face them to do that. He gave a small shrug while musing. "I guess it's just polite. Makes people more comfortable to have someone standing like that than with their back to them." For all that Matt didn't care what other people thought about him, he did take their feelings into consideration with not wanting them hurt. Following some social conventions was something he just did then, even if his eyes never quite looked at hers. His head was always tilted towards her though when she spoke, the best he could manage. He didn't know exactly where her eyes were.
He scuffed his foot on the ground. "I don't know why that came to mind just now." A beat. "I don't want you uncomfortable around me." He didn't want to frighten her.
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Date: 2025-04-23 07:31 am (UTC)But before Kate could say anything, the conversation took an unexpected twist. Matt brought something up Kate had always almost taken for granted. A gesture that seemed so natural, but that clearly was mostly natural to people who could actually see.
It was such a random thing to say, to realize. And random was good, it meant his mind could still wander towards something else than everything that was worrying them at the moment. That is, until the penny dropped. Until Kate understood why he was thinking about going out of his way to make people feel more at ease around him.
For a moment, Kate said nothing, fidgeting with the covered fingers on her archery glove. Her eyes were finally getting used to the darkness, even when the tiny flames of the candles could barely reach them, the long shadows they casted blending into the darkness of where they both stood.
But Kate could finally see more than his silhouette.
"Matt, I've never felt uncomfortable around you." There was a certain shyness Kate still couldn't quite shake off her voice. Maybe she was simply too drained, that tiredness having taken away that natural loudness she usually carried with her. "Not when I first met you, not even -- I wasn't uncomfortable tonight." Had he been worried about that? "Not with you, anyway. I was -- Ashamed, embarrassed. And I knew you had a point and I hated having disappointed you."
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Date: 2025-04-23 11:13 am (UTC)His legs were on fire, a blistering pain radiating through them and up his back. He limped to the room next to the back exit, Josie's office, and collapsed into one of the chairs. There was no way he was making it up the stairs. Outside the darkness was easing away from it's peak. Before too long, it'd be morning. Light would come, whether Fisk wanted it to or not. Matt could sense it not by the visuals, but because of the changes in temperature.
There was so much he could sense, yet somehow, he also missed so much.
"You know, when I was a kid, after the accident..." had he ever even told Kate that he'd lost his sight after an accident, rather than being born this way? Matt couldn't remember. "I thought God had taken my sight. When I grew up, I came to believe that in exchange, he'd given me a special destiny." A wry, slightly self-loathing smile came to his face. "Like a mask and a purpose could save my life. It didn't."
He leaned back in his seat. "It wasn't the mask. It was me needing to believe in it that saved me. My mistake was thinking I was immune to the darkness. And I let it creep inside of me. Someone I knew well once told me that I was born from fire. That if I didn't properly welcome it, it'd burn what was around me, anyway. She wasn't wrong. I did let the dark power me. I threw Poindexter off that rooftop. I wanted to kill him. The truth is, ever since Foggy died, I didn't know who I was anymore. I feel lost without him.
What if I'm not the man he thought I was without him?"
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Date: 2025-04-23 12:08 pm (UTC)It was Kate's heart who seemed to be doing all the talking instead.
Before she could say anything, she watched him groan, limp, finally moving away from the door. Kate took a step back, giving him room as she figured he was heading upstairs to thankfully finally get some rest. But she could also see his struggle, how he chose a closer spot by heading into the office. As Matt finally settled on a chair, Kate closed the door behind them, aware that Daredevil would be granted his privacy. Nobody but Karen would dare to interrupt that.
The place felt cold without any heating and, with only a single candle on top of a desk to guide her, Kate scanned the room in the hopes of finding some blanket, something to cover him up. But Matt spoke up again, leaving her speechless for the second time.
No, she had never heard about his past, about how some accident was to blame for the lost of his sight. Or how he had coped with it. With what he obviously considered his calling. Her heart broke into even more pieces of the fragments the last few hours had left her with. It broke for the scared little boy that he had once been, for the broken and lost man that he was now.
"Matt..." Closing the distance between them, Kate carefully placed her hands on each side of his helmet. She waited for any signs of protest. When he didn't, she gently removed the mask.
Talking to Daredevil wasn't an option. Not to those inexpressive scarlet eyes. Matt might not be able to focus with his own, but he was always attentive. And even if he couldn't see her back, she still always feels that those soulfull eyes somehow connect with her. Because he was the kinda guy who won't be offering you his back. He went out of his way to make people comfortable. Matt seeked that connection in every way he could.
"I'm not - I'm not gonna pretend I know you like Foggy did or like Karen does." Careful and almost with solemnity, Kate left the mask on the desk by their side, pulling a chair closer, until she was able to sit pretty much within his personal space. He had pulled her in first, sharing such intimate thoughts.
"But I know, I swear that I have no doubt, not even the faintest doubt, that Foggy believed in you. Karen believes in you. I believe in you too. Because --" Her fingertips ghosted over his face, just like his did before when he felt Kate's face for the first time back at the hospital. It had been a silent request, permission to let him see through her. Now, she asked of him the same thing as she cupped his face in the hopes that he'd listen, that whatever spark was still left in him would actually listen to what she had to say.
"Because you are all of those things. Yes, you wanted to kill Bullseye. Tonight I almost thought I lost you and trust me, I wanted to kill Fisk myself." Matt himself thought she had been joking, she knew he trusted she was a better person than that. But that was the raw truth. "This is who I believe that you are, Matt. Someone who can be full of rage and pain, but also the kindest person I know. One that can sacrifice himself even for his biggest enemy, because you are a good man. You are human, with flaws, but with such a big heart. Giving your everything for the people you care about. Your loved ones or strangers."
She stroked his cheekbones with her thumbs, aware of how the more she spoke, the more her voice broke. But Kate sounded as firm as ever.
"And if I can see that, I bet you, I bet you that without a doubt Foggy saw much more. He was proud of you, flaws or not. You are so much better than you allow yourself to believe. You deserve to forgive yourself."
For losing Foggy. For letting that darkness overpower him when pain took over. For doubting himself.
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Date: 2025-04-26 02:23 pm (UTC)Matt didn't protest as Kate lifted his helmet. His hair curled against his brow, sticky and damp with sweat and grime. His brown eyes, the same color as the coffee he insisted be prepared right, were dark and unfocused but indeed full of emotion. They only closed as Kate explored his face. Felt over the stubble and the age lines. The planes and angles. Perhaps committed it to memory in her way, though her manner of seeing would always be different - something they might learn from one another rather than divide.
He reached up eventually to lightly place his hands over her forearms, running down them until he took her hands in his. His chest squeezed at what she said. He wanted it to be true. Desperately. He wanted to think that Foggy wouldn't have given up on him, and that they people who still believed in him did so without cause for doubt.
He wanted to do right by them.
"It's funny, isn't it?" There was a faint, tired smile on Matt's face. A smile of sorrow and of remembrance. Of threading the past into the present to carry into the future. It hurt to mention Foggy. Early on, Matt hadn't even said his name. Now he offered bits of memories so that they might not be forgotten, to further tie himself to Kate. "Everyone is just one person in the world. Yet to someone, that one person is the world. If we're lucky." Foggy had been Matt's world. He'd also been the world to so many others. Family, friends. Individuals who he'd saved through his legal prowess. The world was worse off for that loss, but it had been better for the time it had while Foggy had lived.
He hoped that Kate had people like that in her life, too.
He hoped she knew that she was that person to even more than she might think.
"I guess the only thing left to do is get up off the mat and try, right?" He didn't quite forgive himself yet. Didn't quite fully believe that he could do this, wage war against Fisk with him at the helm. He was certain though that he had to try. There was no way Foggy would have taken this lying down, either. Nor Jack, nor Elektra. Not Lantom or Stick. Not Hector. Not so many people who were living too, people who were rising up and needed a direction in which to go. Somewhere to look.
Well, while the city was dark, Matt was still able to see. He hoped that was still the case even when the dawn arise.
He squeezed her hands.
"Let's get some rest. In the morning, we're going to war."
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Date: 2025-04-26 05:41 pm (UTC)Even now she had seen the sadness as he offered a small smile, a little prize for the earnesty of Kate's words, she wondered. Had that worked? Did he believe everything she said? She had no doubt that Matt knew they were true to Kate, but could he believe them himself? Will he ever forgive himself for what was not his fault but had still taken Foggy from him?
Its funny, isn't it?
She didn't know if it was funny, she had been too focused on how he had touched her arms, how his hands had explored her skin until they reached her hands. Kate knew that was a language on itself for Matt and her heart was somehow trying to translate it. Not a romantic hidden meaning, but the connection.
It's time for Kate to smile with a little sadness. For the memories. For the many friends that she has and that came to mind, none matching exactly the description Matt talked about. Neither did her past few romantic relationships. She might have been someone's person for a while, but it was brief. Short-lived as he would see it, given his age. It's nothing like what Matt and Foggy had.
Kate grieved, for a while. But grieving a broken relationship is one thing. Nothing prepares you to the grief of losing a close friend. Losing your parents makes you an orphan. Losing a partner a widow or widower. But there's no word for someone who loses a friend.
"I think it's only been my parents for me," she agrees quietly, not even considering for a second that he might be thinking differently of her and the people that surround Kate. Nowadays, she doesn't even know what to think of her relationship with her mom. But in her mother's heart? Even through the cracks, Kate is sure she still has a place in there. That Eleanor did everything she did to protect her daughter, in her own messed up way.
Matt squeezed her hands and Kate leaned forward, her forehead touching his brow.
"Can you move now? There's a couch here against that wall." Can he make it upstairs?