"All compliments you don't want to share so we won't blush. That's what I'm hearing," Clint replied in a joking manner back.
Claire just snorted and shook her head. "I'll get us all some drinks, what do you want? Water? Tea? Coffee? Soda?"
Matt gave a small smile in Kate's direction at the compliment. "I'm glad you like it. And tea for me."
"It's bags of Lipton."
"Water, then."
Clint shook his head. "No, he never cooked for me. The most he ever did was order bar snacks when we went drinking." Which was how Clint knew where Josie's was. He and Matt hadn't been close friends, but they had shared the occasional beer after a night of fighting or when needing to trade tips on what was going on with the streets. "And I'll take a soda. Let's not be too healthy here tonight."
"It's a soda for me too if my doctor is okay with it?" Kate kept digging in, watching both men she so cared about finally in the same room. Kate couldn't help herself, shoving a foot under the covers to playfully tease Clint with it.
"So, how's the kids? I was telling Matt all about them." About how sweet Lila was, what an adorable gremlin Nate turned out to be and even about Cooper's awkwardness. "Bet Nate must be huge now." She'd seen a few pictures and the youngest Barton had gained some inches of height these last months for sure.
This was nice. The thing about going through such a rough time was that these things happened. They were building a community. Getting to introduce people they trusted, to connect with them, finding companionship with old friends or even strangers. Kate had found herself sleeping on the couch of people she had never met before, or enjoying stir fry in the guest's bedroom of a nurse she had never heard about.
Claire gave a little sigh, but she said with a smile, "One soda. Then lots of hydrating liquids." She had offered it, after all. Plus one wouldn't hurt that much. She headed to her kitchen to get the sodas and water.
Clint gave her foot a light flick at the nudging. "The kids are great. Nate is definitely going to be taller than me someday. Lila's still into writing stories, and Cooper's doing well in school. He's been helping his mother redecorate, too." He sounded very proud of all of them, which he was. It was truly amazing getting to see the babies he'd helped create grow and become their own people. "When this is all over you'll have to come visit again. The duck is doing well, too," he added over at Matt.
Matt gave a nod of appreciation. "Yeah? Good. Not surprised farm life suits him." Quietly to his phone he said, "Text Heather: Made it back. Sleep well." He pocketed his phone again afterwards and poked at his plate. The food was good, he just felt almost too tired to eat.
Claire came back in a minute or two later to pass out the drinks.
"So, Kate. What else do you like to do, besides shooting arrow?"
"So, Nate's not gonna be super tall after all?" Kate teased him, her grin a toothy one as she slid back into her hobbie for bantering with the people she loved. It was good to hear about the family too, even more so to get an update on little Marshall Firequacker. Kate couldn't share with Matt the pictures Clint sent, so stories about him had to do. "Lucky definitely misses running through the fields, so we better visit soon."
She missed the sensation of being in a household full of love like the one Clint proudly owned. Looking back on those memories, it all felt like a dream she'd enjoyed a long time ago.
Matt's voice caught her by surprise. Or rather, his words. It had been days since he had last brought up Heather. Kate had started to suspect that maybe the couple had broken up. Her heart betrayed her because, even though she kept telling herself she just wants Matt to be happy with whoever he is with, there's a painful realization as she is reminded that he is a man with a life of his own. That he doesn't share everything with her just because they're working - surviving together.
It's Claire who pulls her out of that dark, painful sensation.
"Huh - Well, not much these days. I'm supposed to be working at the family company, but these days it's mostly like showing my face and hearing about the stuff I need to sign."
"Funny woman," Clint mock growled back at her teasing. "He's gonna be as tall as anyone needs to be. Don't have to be a giant to get things done." He punctuated that with another bite from his plate. "The dog is missed probably even more than I am right now. You'd think with all the animals already on the farm that it wouldn't be the case, but nobody can surpass Lucky." The dog had easily won over the hearts of all the Bartons and when he was at the farm he never lacked for a playmate.
Claire sat down on the chair again and sipped at her water. Since she hadn't had fancy looseleaf tea, of course Matt had opted for water as well. "That sounds like important work, but still work, not hobbies. It's important to still take time for yourself. Maybe especially now." It was a marathon what they were dealing with, and it wouldn't do for anyone to burn out already. "So what would you like to spend your time doing, if you gave yourself a half an hour here or there?"
"I'm not shocked. Lucky steals everyone's hearts." Kate pointed out proudly. "You should have seen Frank Castle with him. Getting doggie kisses and giving him treats." Sneaked some bacon at him while Karen and Matt had not been watching.
Frank, who they still worried about since they had not heard a thing from him since the last time they saw each other. It was a thorn in the heart that they all got used to, but that at the mention of Frank stung again.
Claire's words drew her out of her thoughts, surprising Kate as she made her point. For a moment, she didn't know what to say. So many of the things Kate had grown up doing... It all had a goal. Every sport, everything she practiced. Had she ever taken them as hobbies?
"I guess... Well, I kinda miss hanging with my friends from college. You know, chilling like this. Maybe going to a bar or even dancing." Maybe she had never been too crazy about clubbing, but she missed a night of going out and having fun. "A concert."
She smiled, a little flustered. "And I haven't read a book in what feels like ages."
Lately, it felt like they had always been in the run. Like they had always been on edge. There was no time for distractions.
Knowing Frank, Claire laughed at that mental image. "You know what, a part of me isn't surprised that Frank would get along better with dogs than people." Maybe having one of his own would be therapeutic, if only Frank cared about actually getting therapy. She knew from Karen that nobody had heard from him yet, not since the night that Matt's apartment had exploded. It wasn't surprising that she hadn't heard from him, she didn't keep in touch with Frank, but Karen? Frank would have reached out to her if he could.
Still. That didn't mean he was dead. "I'm sure he'll have a different version of that story when he finally gets back." She said it firmly, as though speaking it into reality.
Clint made a face at the prospect of going to a crowded club to dance. Concerts were also largely lost on him, but he could appreciate wanting to spend time with friends.
"Well, clubbing right now might be hard with the curfew, but reading a few pages a day sounds doable. You're welcome to borrow any books that look interesting, not that I have a terribly large collection." Reading wasn't something she took much time to do herself. Matt had always been a much more consistent reader, but all his books were Braille or audiobooks, anyway.
"I'll be sure to have Lucky there once we do this with Frank." It sounded like wishful thinking, but Kate had to be sure that one day it would happen. In a way, she wanted to sound as sure about it as Claire was. Frank Castly staying low even from his friends? It could happen. "You know, more like show than tell."
They couldn't give up on Frank.
As the mood shifted, Kate placed the now empty plate aside, taking the soda Claire had brought for her. "I'll check out what you have," Kate agreed, beaming at the woman as she offered her true gratitude.
"What about you guys?" Kate couldn't help it, the way her attention went instantly towards the man sitting on the floor, almost keeping to himself. "If you didn't have to go to court and you knew that the city was actually safe, what would you spend your day doing, Matt?"
One of the hopes that Matt was holding onto with Frank was that Fisk hadn't paraded the dead vigilante for the public. No bloody t-shirt, no Punisher gun, nothing waved about like Fisk had with Muse's mask on television. He had to think that if Frank was truly dead by the task force's hands, then Fisk would have gleefully put it on the news to dishearten the rebellion. Whether that was true or not Matt couldn't say with certainty, but he hoped it was.
He'd been letting the conversation wash over him, content to just listen. Worried he'd say the wrong thing otherwise. When Kate addressed him specifically there was a mild look of surprise on his face, caught off guard at the inclusion in the conversation. "Oh. Um. I'm not sure." There was a pause as he thought on it. "Travel, maybe. Play music. Definitely read more." He'd always been a big reader, but currently even that hobby had slowed way down. He'd lost his library when his home exploded, minus what he'd left at Heather's, and he hadn't had the time to start rebuilding it.
"Travel is a good one," Claire agreed with a nod. "It's always easier to say you'll get away than actually do it."
"I did so much traveling that now I'm all about the staycations," Clint interjected. "Except when the kids get too antsy." He'd done plenty of traveling all over the world with SHIELD, as had Laura. They enjoyed spending time just on the farm. It wasn't fair to the kids though to never expose them to other places, so they tried to do two trip a year.
It was almost funny to catch Matt off guard, as Kate was sure that his mind was still stuck worrying over what had happened in court. Or what might be happening right now as they all shared dinner. The real devil in Matt's life is the one that forces him to never stop.
"Traveling is always cool," Kate agreed quietly, surprised she had not thought about that. Maybe it never felt like a hobby either. Since she was a kid, her mom had always taken her to see the world, bringing her along to many business trips.
"I bet that the only thing you really want," Kate started, adressing Clint now. "Is quality time with Laura." Because despite of how both her mentor and his wife were completely devoted to their kids, she had seen just how affectionate they were around each other. As if, despite all these years together, that had never worn out just how in love they were with each other.
Suddenly, Matt's phone buzzed, letting him know he'd received a text. It was, of course, Heather.
'Just made it home myself. It was so good to talk today. I missed you, Matt. Sleep tight. Love you.'
Clint gave a small smile because Kate did know him well. "That is at the top of the list, yeah." He adored the family he'd created with his wife and he wouldn't trade the time they all spent together for anything, but there weren't enough hours in the day for them to get as much time just the two of them as they wanted. "What I'm hearing is that you're gonna come babysit so I can take her away for a weekend," he teased Kate, knowing that she probably would do it if he genuinely asked. The kids weren't babies anymore anyway, so babysitting them now wasn't a constant panic that they'd swallow a grape or bang their head on a corner.
Hearing Heather's name buzzing on his phone, Matt achingly started to get to his feet with a groan. "I have to take this." He wasn't trying to hide anything, he really wasn't. He just knew Heather's stance on his friendship with Kate, and he didn't want to have anything said that might hurt Kate like an aside saying Heather was glad Matt wasn't staying with a 20 year old woman. Which he wasn't. He was staying at Claire's. It was different.
Claire stood up and helped Matt to his feet, letting him limp to her living room to read his message. Clint watched after him. The last he'd known, Matt was dating Karen Page. That had been a year ago, though. "So Murdock's got himself a new woman. Sounds about right." He'd meant it teasingly, because Matt always seemed to be with someone new. Matt was in some relationship far more often than he wasn't, but it was never with the same person for long. Clint had no idea about Kate's feelings for Matt, so he thought nothing of making the joke.
"I'm going to make up the sofa for him," Claire told the other two. It was a nice sofa. Matt had bled on many times in the past. "And Clint, if an air mattress is all right with you, you can help me inflate that later."
"You got it," he assured Claire, wondering where the hell she would sleep. "Only you can take the mattress if you've only got one. A chair is fine with me." He wasn't leaving Kate tonight.
Claire gave him an amused look. "I'll tell Luke to bring some sleeping bags. I feel like I'm thirteen again having a sleepover."
"Well, my hair isn't long enough to braid but I'm great at prank phone calls," Clint deadpanned, making Claire laugh as she went into the other room.
She lightly touched Matt's arm. He was just standing there, looking conflicted. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah." Matt nodded and managed a smile. "No, I'm good. Just... trying to figure some things out." Like how he was going to hide his Daredevil suit at Heather's apartment. He really hadn't thought this move in through, had he. "Do you need help?"
"I need you to sit," she said with a wry look. "But I learned a long time ago Matt that we don't always get what we want."
"Wants and needs aren't the same thing."
"Are you seriously being pedantic at me right now?"
"No, I'm..." Matt floundered for a beat then straightened up. "I'm saying... what you need matters to me. I can be what you need. For what's going on right now. All this."
A quiet moment passed where Claire looked at Matt thoughtfully. She took his head in her hands. "You're a pain in my ass, Matt. You always have been. But you have always been there when I've needed you." She kissed his forehead. "Now help me make the sofa."
Inside the bedroom, Clint set his boots to the side and slid out of his jacket. "Got some new arrows to show you. But that can wait until morning."
"Hey, if you can explain your teen kids that they're getting a babysitter then I'm game," Kate agreed without hesitation. In all honesty? As dedicated as she was to this new mission they had, part of her was desperate to get away. At least for a couple of days. To recharge by not thinking about any of this madness. "Besides, I need to check on Marshall."
She smiled, turning her attention to Matt in the hopes of sharing a moment of complicity. But his phone announced Heather's name. Matt, it was as if he almost wasn't in the same room with them at all. It was no shock that he wasted no time in walking out, eager to talk with the girlfriend who called him crazy and paranoid. Who wouldn't listen and treated him like a traitor. Who he clearly still had hopes of fixing things with.
Kate genuinelly wanted him to be happy. But it was harder and harder each day to stick to that honesty. After all, they were spending almost every day together now. Meeting each night to patrol, looking after each other, moving together from place-to-place as neither of them had a safe place of their own. Kate simply couldn't go back home yet.
She said nothing when Clint opened his mouth, made his joke about Matt's luck with women. Foggy had always joked about how easy his friend was. Easy, yes. Maybe with all of Manhattan except for the one woman who didn't have a chance with him. She grabbed her soda and leaned moodily against he headboard of the bed, drinking.
As Claire and Clint begun talking about sleeping arrangements, only then Kate spoke up. "The bed is big enough. I can always share. Or move to the air mattress, I don't mind" she offered. She honestly had no problem with that. Even if she couldn't stop thinking about that brief moment. Laying by Matt's side, leaning against him. Resting her hand on his chest and him covering it with his own.
He really saw nothing but a girl in her. Maybe a little sister? Just thinking about it, about how stupid she was for torturing herself about what she'd never have, it was like taking a kick to the chest. The gunshot had hurt less than this...
At least Clint was there to distract her from her own self-deprecating thoughts.
"Trick arrows?" That did catch her interest. "I've run out of mine. Since all this started I haven't had time to make any new ones." She didn't have Clint's knowledge and could mostly fabricate the explosive ones on her own. Turns out, it had been a smart move to save some of the ones that Clint had brought along on his last visit. The net and the tazer ones... Those had come handy while fighting next to Daredevil and Punisher.
"And this is the part when I remind you that you promised to teach me how to make more of those." It would take a while before Clint trusted her with Pym Particles. But with how crazy things were nowadays, maybe she could convince him.
"It would be really nice to turn Kingpin into a doll-size pain in the ass. We could kick him like a football right into the Hudson."
Of course neither Claire nor Clint entertained Kate giving up the bed since she was injured.
"They may be teens but leaving them alone for a whole weekend is a lot." Maybe he was being overprotective. It wasn't like there was a clear cut answer to every parenting quandary. "Although point taken that Lila might be more responsible than you and the boys." She was his perfect angel princess and nobody could tell him otherwise.
Teasing aside, he still noticed when her mood shifted. He took a long drink from his soda as he set his bag on the bed for her to look at. "I'll teach you how to make some of the trick arrows." He wasn't going to go crazy yet, particularly since he knew she had some creative ideas already that probably needed more planning than springing on the public just yet.
"So, what got you all moody?" As usual he went right for the target with his shot. "The look you gave the door you'd think Murdock shot your dog."
"Excuse you?" Even though she was used to this ping-pong of bantering between her and her mentor (and frankly, with a lot of people Kate cared for), there was a true hint of indignation in there too. "Lila is the second most rensponsible person in that house after Laura," she agreed. "But - But I'm the adult and honorary family member!" Did it help that she was mockingly pouting with that statement?
Her mood had sure improved a little as Clint presented that whole bag of arrows for her to check out. Kate's face said it all, her mouth turning into an 'o' shape of wonder as she pulled out a few, checking the labels attached to each shaft and getting excited every time she found a new description.
That is, until Clint completely caught her around a curve and totally by surprise. Her jaw dropped as her brain went at full-speed through every possible excuse. "I'm not - I'm,,, It - It had nothing -- It has nothing to do with Matt," she argued. Oh, God, what if he hears? Will he worry? "I was shot today, Clint."
Good. Good, play the victim card. Sometimes those work.
"You are a family member." He made a point to leave out the honorary part, because Clint didn't make that distinction. "The adult part... maybe when Lucky is around to supervise your choices." He might be teasing her a little, but it went both ways. Kate certainly needled him in return in her own way.
He smiled a little as she exclaimed over the arrows. They could divvy them up and replenish her stock tomorrow, and he'd do as promised and teach her a few new tricks in how to make them. It seemed like she could use a little treat.
The expression on his face said that he wasn't buying her answer. He knew Kate well enough to know it had to be something she really didn't want to talk about for her to play the victim card. Most vigilantes would rather die than admit they cared at all about having been hurt. Case in point, the idiot in the living room. "You were shot today. I don't buy that's what is bothering you now, so you could just say you don't want to talk about it instead of lying to me. To which I'd say you should tell someone, because right now isn't the time for anyone to let things fester. And that we could all use some shut eye if you need to sleep on it."
It always touched her when Clint showed no hesitation on sharing so much love. Just like Laura had welcomed her with open arms the first time she visited the farm, almost as if she had known Kate her whole life. Clint didn't just talk shit, he meant every word. He had welcomed her in, in a way that Kate knew that if she ever got sick for some reason of New York, she would always have a home with the Bartons. "Does that make me your eldest now?," she teased. "Or is it Lucky?"
Realizing she'd quickly gone through every novelty in the bag, Kate started putting the arrows back in. It was a nice pause for her to think after Clint had started calling her out on her worries.
Unlike their previous conversation, in which she had no clue that Matt might be upset about anything she might say about asking Clint to help opening the eyes of New York... This was different. This was adressing something she had never dared to say outloud. Something that made her very conscious of Matt's presence in the house and his abilities.
...
Perhaps it was a good chance to get something out of her chest. Something left at chance, since there was the possibility that he wasn't paying attention, not at all. Matt was, after all, talking to his girlfriend right now. Probably.
"It's not a big deal." Finally Kate spoke up. She couldn't look at Clint in the eye, seeming too focused on the arrow she kept rolling between her fingers. "I just worry about him sometimes. He is having a super hard time and went through so much, but keeps demanding so much more of himself."
"If we're going dog years, and we're absolutely going dog years, Lucky gets seniority. Anything that you know wouldn't fly for the dog, rethink. You land a trusty second." Clint's voice is deadpan, but he hopes Kate knows that he does trust her. That after Laura, there's nobody left alive that he'd trust more with the kids than her. As adult as they are, if he could have his whole family in a bubble he would - but short of that? Kate, protecting his kids as they learned to defend themselves. And him and Laura, the last line of defense.
That was the thing about having kids. Clint had saved the world. Would he sacrifice it now for his kids including Kate?
It was better he retired, knowing his answer.
He would always choose his family.
Sharon wouldn't. That SHIELD Agent that Clint knew well, who was Laura's friend. She would save the world over anyone. Sharon would give them a head start, to run, but she wouldn't save them. She would sit back on Fisk, to catch a larger fish. Fury's protege. A position Clint never wanted. A position he couldn't fill. He wanted a family.
He didn't want Kate to ever settle for less.
He moved to sit next to her. To thread his fingers through her hair, like he did his kids. No words. He wouldn't give it voice if she didn't.
"What matters to you matters to me. Matt's fine, though. I talked to him. I'm worried right now about you."
"So, that puts Laura first, Lucky second, me third and that means you're..." She makes a vague gesture with her hand. "Fourth place for you? It's a hard call, you're neck-to-neck with Lila." It spoke for itself, how joking marked Kate's mood improvement. Because, unlike Matt, being broody for long is not her style. Specially not when she is so genuinelly happy to have Clint there with them.
Not completely broody anyway. Certainly not on the surface.
Kate's smile became softer, more genuine and relaxed as she closed her eyes, tipping her head as she leaned into Clint's touch. It was such a sweet gesture. Simple and yet it felt meaningful. The sort of tenderness she had missed.
"I'm okay," she says, ignoring the nasty bruises on her face that beg to differ. Right now, their hearts were so heavy that the real load was in the way they carried them.
God, is it really okay to speak? It should be. This is a private moment between her and Clint, why shouldn't she speak her mind?
"But, it's like..." Trying to find the words and, most importantly, know if she'll regret about saying them outloud, Kate stares at her own lap. At the way her fist has closed around the blanket. "I can't go back home yet. And Matt lost his place, he lost everything. We've been pretty much on the run every night, pretending things are normal during daytime. Barely sleeping and recovering."
Matt had covered for her so many times. Putting excuses for her to rest a little longer, convincing their hosts to distract her in some way as he left to do patrol earlier. Always granting her those extra five minutes of rest.
"It's tough. I know you know, because I know you've been through worse." With the Avengers or SHIELD. Clint sure had his rough patches. Times in which he stayed low, hiding, on the run. "So I know you know the importance of having a good partner. I have that in Matt."
Kate's gaze met Clint's.
"So yeah, I know he is not fine."
Is he listening?
"It's like we all expect him to carry the weight of the city on his back, because he'll do it. He is doing it. And I worry about him. Because I know he can take it." Even if it ruins his life.
"I just really, really wish he could have..." She trails off, frowning lightly as she tried to find the words. What? A normal life? Matt's tried that and for a while, she lost him. Is that the cost? Losing him again at the cost of Matt having a good, normal life? If Fisk had not returned, maybe that's what would have happened. He would be living a nice, normal life. Still helping others by finding justice in court, coming back home to a loving girlfriend. Getting a dog of his own. The white picket fence. Starting the family he's always wanted.
"I think you can return to your apartment," Clint said gently. "It made sense to avoid it during the blackout when the city was literally on fire, but now?" He gave a little shrug. "There are cameras all over the city, and Fisk knows what you all look like. He knows where you are staying. If he wanted to, he'd have attacked you inside a home a long time ago. That won't get him anything now when he's trying to present this image of order and tidiness where the only violence is in retaliation of what vigilantes are doing to the good people in public. He's after vigilantes in the streets, not young women in their homes. I'll go with you though if it'll make you feel safer." It wouldn't be the first time he and Kate stayed under the same roof.
"As for Matt being happy, he's probably as happy as he can be with his city under Fisk's thumb. As happy as we all are. He's not the only one carrying weight right now, and I'd imagine he'd be the first to point that out." At least he sincerely hoped Matt wasn't just moping around moaning about how tough his life was rather than actually being a leader right now. If he was doing that, Clint would give him a literal kick in the ass. "So the best thing we can do is get some rest and be ready for tomorrow. Claire's probably made up his bed on the sofa like she said, so you and I get this room for the night." He gave her a smirk. "You better not have started snoring."
"But..." Kate tried to protest, because Clint seemed to be shrugging off the situation. Like it really wasn't that big of a deal. "They attacked Matt in daylight today. And they left me a threat on my door before the blackout." Theyc couldn't just go back to how things were, could they? Besides, she's not gonna leave Matt on his own. He doesn't have a place and would still have to stay on the move. "And we have - We have this buddy system."
She wanted to argue, to argue with each point Clint was making and remind him that he's not been around, he does't get how things were. But she had to agree on one thing: she's incredibly tired.
The joke earned him a little playful shove in response.
"I might have started kicking."
And yet, without further arguing, Kate laid down and pulled up the covers, trying to get as comfortable as the wounds and worries would allow her.
Soon enough, they both settled down. Claire checked on them one last time, but Clint and Kate were more than comfortable. For how long did Kate manage to sleep, though? It was always so weird to sleep at a stranger's house. Or maybe she was simply too on edge lately.
Eventually, once her eyes were used to the dark after staring at that ceiling for so long, Kate slipped off the bed. Careful not to wake Clint up, she very slowly pulled the door open, limping as she made her slow way towards the living room, heading for the bathroom.
"They attacked Matt on the street, not in a home, and the bullet left for you was before the blackout and martial law was put in place," Clint reminded her. Logically, it wouldn't be as big of a win for Fisk if he now attacked Kate in her home, and Fisk needed a big win given the way public opinion was polling with him. People weren't going to buy that there was a continuous string of apartment bombings that just happened to be in the homes of vigilantes by other vigilantes. Being stuck in the past on how things were prior to the martial law being put into place wasn't doing any favors in going forward - if anything, running around changing places all the time was doing half of Fisk's work for him by wearing them down faster than was needed.
He imagined it had more to do with her not leaving Matt behind than the logic of her other arguments. "You can always ask if he wants to stay, too. Either your place or the penthouse is certainly big enough, and in a nice enough area that Fisk would think twice about blowing it up anyway now that the blackout mania is over."
Matt did hear what was going on in the bedroom. What he took away from the concerns voiced was that he was not appearing as a good leader or partner. He was coming across as weak, as broken down, as someone who inspired worry rather than hope. He didn't know how to fix that, he couldn't unwind the clock and fix mistakes when he didn't even know precisely all he'd made.
Clint did make a fair point about Kate going back to her place. Matt only meant to keep her from it the night of the blackout when the task force was operating entirely under the cover of night. Now that there was power in the city again, carrying out daytime assassinations had to be much more carefully plotted than what was done to his apartment. They wouldn't mean nearly as much as taking down vigilantes in the streets. He didn't think anyone was going to barge down Kate's door or Heather's. Today in the streets they had wanted to catch Matt on camera fighting.
His fingers lightly worried over the edge of the blanket on top of him, listening to the breathing going on around him. Claire, on the air mattress in the living room with him. Clint and Kate in the bedroom. Clint and Claire slept lightly, but he could tell Kate was awake. His eyes were open, not that he saw anything, facing upwards towards the ceiling as he heard her go towards the bathroom.
Clint had a point. And, the best thing about it was that the more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea. There was no reason why they would have to compromise the buddy system if they just moved together to her place. The penthouse made even more sense. She had a couple of guest rooms that Matt could choose from and that would be pretty comfortable. Kate had her own childhood bedroom and even the master bedroom if Clint also wanted to come. Clint would absolutely come. And there was a few couches too for anyone else. They could so make it work. Lucky would also be back home, it all just made sense.
For the first time in a while, Kate was feeling hopeful again. Had found something to look forward to. How come she and Matt had not brought it up yet?
Careful to be as quiet as possible, she headed to the bathroom, wincing once it was time to flush the toilet. Silence. Hopefully nobody woke up.
But, as she slowly made her way back to the living room, she complerely miscalculated things. Kate doubled-over in pain, covering her mouth to stop the knee-jerk reaction of crying out. Instead, she cursed under her breath.
Hearing the toilet flush just reminded Matt of the water he'd drunk earlier, but he was in the process of judging whether he could wait and make that Morning Matt's problem when there was a jump in Kate's heartrate. Hearing the stifled cursing, too quiet to wake anyone else, Matt wincingly sat up. He pressed a hand to his side for a moment to soothe the pain he felt, then achingly got to his feet and shuffled over to her. The hallway was dark where the bathroom was, but that didn't bother him. There was just a faint glow from various appliances that never went purely dark. Concern was etched on his face in the shadows. In a quiet voice he asked, "Are you all right?" He gently reached out to touch her arm in case she needed some support.
Wincing as she held her foot up, Kate used the wall for support. Her toes curled and spread as if the movement could simply shake off the pain, but she still felt it, flowing like waves.
She heard the movement before she saw the shadow join her in the hallway. Guilt instantly caught up with her. "Shit, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up, I'm so sorry."
And yet, Matt was as calm and gentle as ever, not sounding bothered in the slightest.
"It's all right. I wasn't asleep." Perhaps the wrong thing to admit, but it was the truth. "I could tell you weren't having an easy time of it, either." Sleeping. Was that too invasive? He couldn't help but hear it. He knew the difference between a heart truly at rest in slumber and one that wasn't. Sometimes that made those around him uncomfortable because he knew things about them they wouldn't otherwise admit. It was always a question mark over what he should share that he knew and what he should just discreetly avoid mentioning.
With his free hand he reached up and rubbed the stubble on his face. He really did need to shave. "You want some tea? It's not good tea." At least by Matt's standards. It seemed perfectly suitable to most of the population.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-04-28 11:52 am (UTC)Claire just snorted and shook her head. "I'll get us all some drinks, what do you want? Water? Tea? Coffee? Soda?"
Matt gave a small smile in Kate's direction at the compliment. "I'm glad you like it. And tea for me."
"It's bags of Lipton."
"Water, then."
Clint shook his head. "No, he never cooked for me. The most he ever did was order bar snacks when we went drinking." Which was how Clint knew where Josie's was. He and Matt hadn't been close friends, but they had shared the occasional beer after a night of fighting or when needing to trade tips on what was going on with the streets. "And I'll take a soda. Let's not be too healthy here tonight."
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Date: 2025-04-28 12:01 pm (UTC)"So, how's the kids? I was telling Matt all about them." About how sweet Lila was, what an adorable gremlin Nate turned out to be and even about Cooper's awkwardness. "Bet Nate must be huge now." She'd seen a few pictures and the youngest Barton had gained some inches of height these last months for sure.
This was nice. The thing about going through such a rough time was that these things happened. They were building a community. Getting to introduce people they trusted, to connect with them, finding companionship with old friends or even strangers. Kate had found herself sleeping on the couch of people she had never met before, or enjoying stir fry in the guest's bedroom of a nurse she had never heard about.
As horrible as things seemed, this was nice.
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Date: 2025-04-28 02:41 pm (UTC)Clint gave her foot a light flick at the nudging. "The kids are great. Nate is definitely going to be taller than me someday. Lila's still into writing stories, and Cooper's doing well in school. He's been helping his mother redecorate, too." He sounded very proud of all of them, which he was. It was truly amazing getting to see the babies he'd helped create grow and become their own people. "When this is all over you'll have to come visit again. The duck is doing well, too," he added over at Matt.
Matt gave a nod of appreciation. "Yeah? Good. Not surprised farm life suits him." Quietly to his phone he said, "Text Heather: Made it back. Sleep well." He pocketed his phone again afterwards and poked at his plate. The food was good, he just felt almost too tired to eat.
Claire came back in a minute or two later to pass out the drinks.
"So, Kate. What else do you like to do, besides shooting arrow?"
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Date: 2025-04-28 02:59 pm (UTC)She missed the sensation of being in a household full of love like the one Clint proudly owned. Looking back on those memories, it all felt like a dream she'd enjoyed a long time ago.
Matt's voice caught her by surprise. Or rather, his words. It had been days since he had last brought up Heather. Kate had started to suspect that maybe the couple had broken up. Her heart betrayed her because, even though she kept telling herself she just wants Matt to be happy with whoever he is with, there's a painful realization as she is reminded that he is a man with a life of his own. That he doesn't share everything with her just because they're working - surviving together.
It's Claire who pulls her out of that dark, painful sensation.
"Huh - Well, not much these days. I'm supposed to be working at the family company, but these days it's mostly like showing my face and hearing about the stuff I need to sign."
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Date: 2025-04-28 03:52 pm (UTC)Claire sat down on the chair again and sipped at her water. Since she hadn't had fancy looseleaf tea, of course Matt had opted for water as well. "That sounds like important work, but still work, not hobbies. It's important to still take time for yourself. Maybe especially now." It was a marathon what they were dealing with, and it wouldn't do for anyone to burn out already. "So what would you like to spend your time doing, if you gave yourself a half an hour here or there?"
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Date: 2025-04-28 04:29 pm (UTC)Frank, who they still worried about since they had not heard a thing from him since the last time they saw each other. It was a thorn in the heart that they all got used to, but that at the mention of Frank stung again.
Claire's words drew her out of her thoughts, surprising Kate as she made her point. For a moment, she didn't know what to say. So many of the things Kate had grown up doing... It all had a goal. Every sport, everything she practiced. Had she ever taken them as hobbies?
"I guess... Well, I kinda miss hanging with my friends from college. You know, chilling like this. Maybe going to a bar or even dancing." Maybe she had never been too crazy about clubbing, but she missed a night of going out and having fun. "A concert."
She smiled, a little flustered. "And I haven't read a book in what feels like ages."
Lately, it felt like they had always been in the run. Like they had always been on edge. There was no time for distractions.
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Date: 2025-04-28 05:57 pm (UTC)Still. That didn't mean he was dead. "I'm sure he'll have a different version of that story when he finally gets back." She said it firmly, as though speaking it into reality.
Clint made a face at the prospect of going to a crowded club to dance. Concerts were also largely lost on him, but he could appreciate wanting to spend time with friends.
"Well, clubbing right now might be hard with the curfew, but reading a few pages a day sounds doable. You're welcome to borrow any books that look interesting, not that I have a terribly large collection." Reading wasn't something she took much time to do herself. Matt had always been a much more consistent reader, but all his books were Braille or audiobooks, anyway.
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Date: 2025-04-28 07:52 pm (UTC)They couldn't give up on Frank.
As the mood shifted, Kate placed the now empty plate aside, taking the soda Claire had brought for her. "I'll check out what you have," Kate agreed, beaming at the woman as she offered her true gratitude.
"What about you guys?" Kate couldn't help it, the way her attention went instantly towards the man sitting on the floor, almost keeping to himself. "If you didn't have to go to court and you knew that the city was actually safe, what would you spend your day doing, Matt?"
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Date: 2025-04-28 09:58 pm (UTC)He'd been letting the conversation wash over him, content to just listen. Worried he'd say the wrong thing otherwise. When Kate addressed him specifically there was a mild look of surprise on his face, caught off guard at the inclusion in the conversation. "Oh. Um. I'm not sure." There was a pause as he thought on it. "Travel, maybe. Play music. Definitely read more." He'd always been a big reader, but currently even that hobby had slowed way down. He'd lost his library when his home exploded, minus what he'd left at Heather's, and he hadn't had the time to start rebuilding it.
"Travel is a good one," Claire agreed with a nod. "It's always easier to say you'll get away than actually do it."
"I did so much traveling that now I'm all about the staycations," Clint interjected. "Except when the kids get too antsy." He'd done plenty of traveling all over the world with SHIELD, as had Laura. They enjoyed spending time just on the farm. It wasn't fair to the kids though to never expose them to other places, so they tried to do two trip a year.
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Date: 2025-04-28 10:09 pm (UTC)"Traveling is always cool," Kate agreed quietly, surprised she had not thought about that. Maybe it never felt like a hobby either. Since she was a kid, her mom had always taken her to see the world, bringing her along to many business trips.
"I bet that the only thing you really want," Kate started, adressing Clint now. "Is quality time with Laura." Because despite of how both her mentor and his wife were completely devoted to their kids, she had seen just how affectionate they were around each other. As if, despite all these years together, that had never worn out just how in love they were with each other.
Suddenly, Matt's phone buzzed, letting him know he'd received a text. It was, of course, Heather.
'Just made it home myself. It was so good to talk today. I missed you, Matt. Sleep tight. Love you.'
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Date: 2025-04-29 11:02 am (UTC)Hearing Heather's name buzzing on his phone, Matt achingly started to get to his feet with a groan. "I have to take this." He wasn't trying to hide anything, he really wasn't. He just knew Heather's stance on his friendship with Kate, and he didn't want to have anything said that might hurt Kate like an aside saying Heather was glad Matt wasn't staying with a 20 year old woman. Which he wasn't. He was staying at Claire's. It was different.
Claire stood up and helped Matt to his feet, letting him limp to her living room to read his message. Clint watched after him. The last he'd known, Matt was dating Karen Page. That had been a year ago, though. "So Murdock's got himself a new woman. Sounds about right." He'd meant it teasingly, because Matt always seemed to be with someone new. Matt was in some relationship far more often than he wasn't, but it was never with the same person for long. Clint had no idea about Kate's feelings for Matt, so he thought nothing of making the joke.
"I'm going to make up the sofa for him," Claire told the other two. It was a nice sofa. Matt had bled on many times in the past. "And Clint, if an air mattress is all right with you, you can help me inflate that later."
"You got it," he assured Claire, wondering where the hell she would sleep. "Only you can take the mattress if you've only got one. A chair is fine with me." He wasn't leaving Kate tonight.
Claire gave him an amused look. "I'll tell Luke to bring some sleeping bags. I feel like I'm thirteen again having a sleepover."
"Well, my hair isn't long enough to braid but I'm great at prank phone calls," Clint deadpanned, making Claire laugh as she went into the other room.
She lightly touched Matt's arm. He was just standing there, looking conflicted. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah." Matt nodded and managed a smile. "No, I'm good. Just... trying to figure some things out." Like how he was going to hide his Daredevil suit at Heather's apartment. He really hadn't thought this move in through, had he. "Do you need help?"
"I need you to sit," she said with a wry look. "But I learned a long time ago Matt that we don't always get what we want."
"Wants and needs aren't the same thing."
"Are you seriously being pedantic at me right now?"
"No, I'm..." Matt floundered for a beat then straightened up. "I'm saying... what you need matters to me. I can be what you need. For what's going on right now. All this."
A quiet moment passed where Claire looked at Matt thoughtfully. She took his head in her hands. "You're a pain in my ass, Matt. You always have been. But you have always been there when I've needed you." She kissed his forehead. "Now help me make the sofa."
Inside the bedroom, Clint set his boots to the side and slid out of his jacket. "Got some new arrows to show you. But that can wait until morning."
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Date: 2025-04-29 11:39 am (UTC)She smiled, turning her attention to Matt in the hopes of sharing a moment of complicity. But his phone announced Heather's name. Matt, it was as if he almost wasn't in the same room with them at all. It was no shock that he wasted no time in walking out, eager to talk with the girlfriend who called him crazy and paranoid. Who wouldn't listen and treated him like a traitor. Who he clearly still had hopes of fixing things with.
Kate genuinelly wanted him to be happy. But it was harder and harder each day to stick to that honesty. After all, they were spending almost every day together now. Meeting each night to patrol, looking after each other, moving together from place-to-place as neither of them had a safe place of their own. Kate simply couldn't go back home yet.
She said nothing when Clint opened his mouth, made his joke about Matt's luck with women. Foggy had always joked about how easy his friend was. Easy, yes. Maybe with all of Manhattan except for the one woman who didn't have a chance with him. She grabbed her soda and leaned moodily against he headboard of the bed, drinking.
As Claire and Clint begun talking about sleeping arrangements, only then Kate spoke up. "The bed is big enough. I can always share. Or move to the air mattress, I don't mind" she offered. She honestly had no problem with that. Even if she couldn't stop thinking about that brief moment. Laying by Matt's side, leaning against him. Resting her hand on his chest and him covering it with his own.
He really saw nothing but a girl in her. Maybe a little sister? Just thinking about it, about how stupid she was for torturing herself about what she'd never have, it was like taking a kick to the chest. The gunshot had hurt less than this...
At least Clint was there to distract her from her own self-deprecating thoughts.
"Trick arrows?" That did catch her interest. "I've run out of mine. Since all this started I haven't had time to make any new ones." She didn't have Clint's knowledge and could mostly fabricate the explosive ones on her own. Turns out, it had been a smart move to save some of the ones that Clint had brought along on his last visit. The net and the tazer ones... Those had come handy while fighting next to Daredevil and Punisher.
"And this is the part when I remind you that you promised to teach me how to make more of those." It would take a while before Clint trusted her with Pym Particles. But with how crazy things were nowadays, maybe she could convince him.
"It would be really nice to turn Kingpin into a doll-size pain in the ass. We could kick him like a football right into the Hudson."
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Date: 2025-04-29 05:13 pm (UTC)"They may be teens but leaving them alone for a whole weekend is a lot." Maybe he was being overprotective. It wasn't like there was a clear cut answer to every parenting quandary. "Although point taken that Lila might be more responsible than you and the boys." She was his perfect angel princess and nobody could tell him otherwise.
Teasing aside, he still noticed when her mood shifted. He took a long drink from his soda as he set his bag on the bed for her to look at. "I'll teach you how to make some of the trick arrows." He wasn't going to go crazy yet, particularly since he knew she had some creative ideas already that probably needed more planning than springing on the public just yet.
"So, what got you all moody?" As usual he went right for the target with his shot. "The look you gave the door you'd think Murdock shot your dog."
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Date: 2025-04-29 06:18 pm (UTC)Her mood had sure improved a little as Clint presented that whole bag of arrows for her to check out. Kate's face said it all, her mouth turning into an 'o' shape of wonder as she pulled out a few, checking the labels attached to each shaft and getting excited every time she found a new description.
That is, until Clint completely caught her around a curve and totally by surprise. Her jaw dropped as her brain went at full-speed through every possible excuse. "I'm not - I'm,,, It - It had nothing -- It has nothing to do with Matt," she argued. Oh, God, what if he hears? Will he worry? "I was shot today, Clint."
Good. Good, play the victim card. Sometimes those work.
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Date: 2025-04-29 09:34 pm (UTC)He smiled a little as she exclaimed over the arrows. They could divvy them up and replenish her stock tomorrow, and he'd do as promised and teach her a few new tricks in how to make them. It seemed like she could use a little treat.
The expression on his face said that he wasn't buying her answer. He knew Kate well enough to know it had to be something she really didn't want to talk about for her to play the victim card. Most vigilantes would rather die than admit they cared at all about having been hurt. Case in point, the idiot in the living room. "You were shot today. I don't buy that's what is bothering you now, so you could just say you don't want to talk about it instead of lying to me. To which I'd say you should tell someone, because right now isn't the time for anyone to let things fester. And that we could all use some shut eye if you need to sleep on it."
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Date: 2025-04-29 09:49 pm (UTC)Realizing she'd quickly gone through every novelty in the bag, Kate started putting the arrows back in. It was a nice pause for her to think after Clint had started calling her out on her worries.
Unlike their previous conversation, in which she had no clue that Matt might be upset about anything she might say about asking Clint to help opening the eyes of New York... This was different. This was adressing something she had never dared to say outloud. Something that made her very conscious of Matt's presence in the house and his abilities.
...
Perhaps it was a good chance to get something out of her chest. Something left at chance, since there was the possibility that he wasn't paying attention, not at all. Matt was, after all, talking to his girlfriend right now. Probably.
"It's not a big deal." Finally Kate spoke up. She couldn't look at Clint in the eye, seeming too focused on the arrow she kept rolling between her fingers. "I just worry about him sometimes. He is having a super hard time and went through so much, but keeps demanding so much more of himself."
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Date: 2025-04-30 01:27 am (UTC)That was the thing about having kids. Clint had saved the world. Would he sacrifice it now for his kids including Kate?
It was better he retired, knowing his answer.
He would always choose his family.
Sharon wouldn't. That SHIELD Agent that Clint knew well, who was Laura's friend. She would save the world over anyone. Sharon would give them a head start, to run, but she wouldn't save them. She would sit back on Fisk, to catch a larger fish. Fury's protege. A position Clint never wanted. A position he couldn't fill. He wanted a family.
He didn't want Kate to ever settle for less.
He moved to sit next to her. To thread his fingers through her hair, like he did his kids. No words. He wouldn't give it voice if she didn't.
"What matters to you matters to me. Matt's fine, though. I talked to him. I'm worried right now about you."
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Date: 2025-04-30 10:12 am (UTC)Not completely broody anyway. Certainly not on the surface.
Kate's smile became softer, more genuine and relaxed as she closed her eyes, tipping her head as she leaned into Clint's touch. It was such a sweet gesture. Simple and yet it felt meaningful. The sort of tenderness she had missed.
"I'm okay," she says, ignoring the nasty bruises on her face that beg to differ. Right now, their hearts were so heavy that the real load was in the way they carried them.
God, is it really okay to speak? It should be. This is a private moment between her and Clint, why shouldn't she speak her mind?
"But, it's like..." Trying to find the words and, most importantly, know if she'll regret about saying them outloud, Kate stares at her own lap. At the way her fist has closed around the blanket. "I can't go back home yet. And Matt lost his place, he lost everything. We've been pretty much on the run every night, pretending things are normal during daytime. Barely sleeping and recovering."
Matt had covered for her so many times. Putting excuses for her to rest a little longer, convincing their hosts to distract her in some way as he left to do patrol earlier. Always granting her those extra five minutes of rest.
"It's tough. I know you know, because I know you've been through worse." With the Avengers or SHIELD. Clint sure had his rough patches. Times in which he stayed low, hiding, on the run. "So I know you know the importance of having a good partner. I have that in Matt."
Kate's gaze met Clint's.
"So yeah, I know he is not fine."
Is he listening?
"It's like we all expect him to carry the weight of the city on his back, because he'll do it. He is doing it. And I worry about him. Because I know he can take it." Even if it ruins his life.
"I just really, really wish he could have..." She trails off, frowning lightly as she tried to find the words. What? A normal life? Matt's tried that and for a while, she lost him. Is that the cost? Losing him again at the cost of Matt having a good, normal life? If Fisk had not returned, maybe that's what would have happened. He would be living a nice, normal life. Still helping others by finding justice in court, coming back home to a loving girlfriend. Getting a dog of his own. The white picket fence. Starting the family he's always wanted.
And Kate might have never heard of him again.
"I just want him to be happy."
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Date: 2025-04-30 10:55 am (UTC)"As for Matt being happy, he's probably as happy as he can be with his city under Fisk's thumb. As happy as we all are. He's not the only one carrying weight right now, and I'd imagine he'd be the first to point that out." At least he sincerely hoped Matt wasn't just moping around moaning about how tough his life was rather than actually being a leader right now. If he was doing that, Clint would give him a literal kick in the ass. "So the best thing we can do is get some rest and be ready for tomorrow. Claire's probably made up his bed on the sofa like she said, so you and I get this room for the night." He gave her a smirk. "You better not have started snoring."
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Date: 2025-04-30 11:18 am (UTC)She wanted to argue, to argue with each point Clint was making and remind him that he's not been around, he does't get how things were. But she had to agree on one thing: she's incredibly tired.
The joke earned him a little playful shove in response.
"I might have started kicking."
And yet, without further arguing, Kate laid down and pulled up the covers, trying to get as comfortable as the wounds and worries would allow her.
Soon enough, they both settled down. Claire checked on them one last time, but Clint and Kate were more than comfortable. For how long did Kate manage to sleep, though? It was always so weird to sleep at a stranger's house. Or maybe she was simply too on edge lately.
Eventually, once her eyes were used to the dark after staring at that ceiling for so long, Kate slipped off the bed. Careful not to wake Clint up, she very slowly pulled the door open, limping as she made her slow way towards the living room, heading for the bathroom.
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Date: 2025-04-30 11:34 am (UTC)He imagined it had more to do with her not leaving Matt behind than the logic of her other arguments. "You can always ask if he wants to stay, too. Either your place or the penthouse is certainly big enough, and in a nice enough area that Fisk would think twice about blowing it up anyway now that the blackout mania is over."
Matt did hear what was going on in the bedroom. What he took away from the concerns voiced was that he was not appearing as a good leader or partner. He was coming across as weak, as broken down, as someone who inspired worry rather than hope. He didn't know how to fix that, he couldn't unwind the clock and fix mistakes when he didn't even know precisely all he'd made.
Clint did make a fair point about Kate going back to her place. Matt only meant to keep her from it the night of the blackout when the task force was operating entirely under the cover of night. Now that there was power in the city again, carrying out daytime assassinations had to be much more carefully plotted than what was done to his apartment. They wouldn't mean nearly as much as taking down vigilantes in the streets. He didn't think anyone was going to barge down Kate's door or Heather's. Today in the streets they had wanted to catch Matt on camera fighting.
His fingers lightly worried over the edge of the blanket on top of him, listening to the breathing going on around him. Claire, on the air mattress in the living room with him. Clint and Kate in the bedroom. Clint and Claire slept lightly, but he could tell Kate was awake. His eyes were open, not that he saw anything, facing upwards towards the ceiling as he heard her go towards the bathroom.
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Date: 2025-04-30 11:46 am (UTC)For the first time in a while, Kate was feeling hopeful again. Had found something to look forward to. How come she and Matt had not brought it up yet?
Careful to be as quiet as possible, she headed to the bathroom, wincing once it was time to flush the toilet. Silence. Hopefully nobody woke up.
But, as she slowly made her way back to the living room, she complerely miscalculated things. Kate doubled-over in pain, covering her mouth to stop the knee-jerk reaction of crying out. Instead, she cursed under her breath.
Stubbing your toe is the worst pain ever.
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Date: 2025-04-30 12:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-04-30 12:40 pm (UTC)She heard the movement before she saw the shadow join her in the hallway. Guilt instantly caught up with her. "Shit, I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to wake you up, I'm so sorry."
And yet, Matt was as calm and gentle as ever, not sounding bothered in the slightest.
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Date: 2025-04-30 01:05 pm (UTC)With his free hand he reached up and rubbed the stubble on his face. He really did need to shave. "You want some tea? It's not good tea." At least by Matt's standards. It seemed perfectly suitable to most of the population.
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