"No, but are you saying I should reconsider?" he joked back easily, because that was better than bringing up how Foggy said Matt tended to surround himself with redheads. Which he didn't. Only some of the time. The statistics were exaggerated in Matt's mind. "How do you feel about white grease paint?"
He let himself be guided with her when back at the penthouse, counting the steps with her to help him memorize the space. He made sure to take steps that he normally would take, or else the count would be off for him. Once inside he let her put away the groceries how she wanted in her fridge and freezer, finishing off his iced coffee. It had helped keep him cool on the walk over, and he did like the sweet edge it had. Not too sweet now on his tongue.
"I think I'm still digesting breakfast, but maybe some waters would be good? I can help carry them." He didn't want to be utterly useless even inside. As she got the water he doted on Lucky who had joined them. "So what are you in the mood to watch? With the caveat don't make it anything you really want me to see. I can't promise I won't pass out during it." He'd try his best but he could feel sleepiness settling in even after his second cup of coffee. Not an immediate need to sleep but the body-tiredness of a long day having been had, or in their case, recovering from many.
Clint would't be around for a couple of days, since a school play had demanded his presence back at home. He had been insistent, asking Kate over and over if she would be okay on her own for the next few days. Right now, as Matt stayed at the penthouse and they both counted their steps outloud and together, she couldn't help but be truly thankful over how she had convinced her mentor than she would be more than fine.
"Sure. There's sparkly or regular water. Either is fine by me." Because as much as she enjoyed her soda, Kate made sure to also keep properly hydrated.
Satisfied as they had their drinks, Kate guided him to the TV room, Lucky leading the way and looking back as if to check if they were following. "Maybe we can watch one of those jazz documentaries you told me about? I'm in the mood for something super chill because I'm probably going to pass out myself."
Matt had opted for regular water with ice, then headed to the living room with Kate and Lucky. As soon as they were there he took a long sip of the water, giving himself some ice to crunch before setting the glass on the coffee table and settling on the sofa. He patted the cushion next to him on one side and Lucky happily obliged, leaping up and settling in a ball next to him with his head resting on Matt's thigh. Giving the dog's head a little scritch Matt nodded and yawned out, "Yeah, that sounds good." He gave Kate the names of a few and let her pick which one she wanted to put on for them.
It wasn't long before jazz began to sing in his ears, a sound he found soothing. He patted the other side of him then for Kate to come join them. "You'll like it," he promised, or at least, he thought she might. Who didn't like jazz?
Taking a cool small bottle of sparkly water for herself, Kate guided Matt to the TV room Clint and Kate used so many nights together. She smiled as Matt made himself comfortable, almost seeming to belong to the spot as he got both Kate and Lucky to join him on the sofa.
Kate, who had been busy with the remote finding the documentaries she'd saved after Matt recommended them, never truly thinking she'd make the time to watch them, was happy to hear the music filling the room. In all honesty? She was far more interested in watching them because Matt had enjoyed them than over what the documetary itself was about.
"It does sound interesting," she offered as she sat by his side, legs tucked under herself as she tried not to lean too closely to him.
The music had filled the room and she managed to stay quiet and pay attention for only a few minutes before she spoke up. "Can I tell you a secret?"
Matt felt the sofa indent on both his sides as Lucky and Kate joined him on the sofa. The dog snuggled right up but Kate kept some friendly space. Still, sandwiched between them Matt felt warm and content, not as frightened as he'd be otherwise just turning over in his head the minutes until his powers returned. He listened to the light thump of Lucky's tail lazily wagging as he petted the dog's head, a soft background beat to the music and commentary that soon filled the room. Matt had seen some of these documentaries many times before but they didn't get old for him. He let his eyes fall closed, it wasn't like he was using them anyway, and merely listened.
When Kate spoke though he reopened his eyes. Head leaning back against the sofa cushions, he tilted it in her direction. His unfocused gaze fell to the left of her face, but he tracked her voice as best he could as he said with assurance, "Yeah, sure. Of course. Wait, does it involve where a body is buried? I don't have a shovel." The last part was said teasingly.
Hugging a cushion to her chest, Kate felt herself losing that stiffness that marked distance between herself and Matt. She was resting her head against the sofa as well, sleep-deprivation making her feel as if her body was melting little by little on the spot.
"Nah, just wondering if you'd take my case as my lawyer or if the buried body is going against me," she played along, smiling lazily as she turned to look at Matt.
It still squeezed her heart a little to see the big bruise the night had left as a souvenir on his face. The spot where he'd received the shot wasn't as swollen as he had been before they passed out together, but it was all looking so much better by now.
Or maybe it was the fact that Matt looked so relaxed? So content.
"Last night was so scary." That cop holding that gun to Matt's face. If Kate had been a few seconds too late...
"But this was the best day I've had in a long time," she confessed quietly. "And I know you're going through a hard time right now, with your powers and all. I feel so bad for having a good time."
Matt sat up a little bit as she talked, though he was careful not to disturb Lucky's head on his lap. Selfishly Matt was enjoying all the dog time he was getting while at Kate's, knowing it'd come to an end when he left until he visited again next time. Kate was generous in letting him play with her dog as much as he was, knowing what a comfort the canine could be.
His stomach dropped a little, face grimacing a touch at the mention of last night. A silent agreement that it had indeed been scary. "I'm sorry I put you in danger." His voice was quiet, and even though he knew that wasn't what Kate had meant, he still felt compelled to say it, to confess. "My abilities were getting harder to control already." He'd been so exhausted his body had already been starting to break. "I thought I had a handle on it, though. Then I just heard this ringing and I didn't recover fast enough, and..." Well. He'd gotten himself shot.
"I shouldn't have put my partner at risk like that. It won't happen again."
He felt along the cushion next to him until he hit her knee, resting his hand upwards to take hers if she wanted. He gave a small smile.
"Today has been a good day. We're alive. I reminded myself how lucky I am most days, to spend today without what I can normally do. Sometimes it does help to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I got to do that as a blind man, and I got to do that as someone with normal senses to experience what you like. I won't pretend it hasn't been hard, but maybe it's also been a little bit of a blessing."
Almost aware of the shift in the atmosphere, Lucky moved his head on Matt's lap, whimpering as he demanded attention. It was Kate who reached out, stroking the dog soothingly as Matt confessed what he had gone through these last few days. His worries. How that affected him last night. She understood Lucky, as Kate felt like whimpering a little herself.
"You can tell me about those things, Matt," she told him quietly as a soft piano seemed to guide them through their emotions. "I'm not mad or --" Just a little shocked now to hear these news. She had figured that his body was demanding some rest by now, but had no idea that his senses had not been at their best. "Look, this is the whole point of having a partner. I was there for you when you needed me," she offered, hoping to sound a little more hopeful now. A little more positive.
They did get out of that alive, after all.
Without hesitation, Kate founds herself taking Matt's hand, holding tightly onto it as she returned a smile he would never see.
It was his words that did it, though. They brought clarity to a situation in a way she had not anticipated. Because, even though Matt was going through a hard time, at least he had not endured it alone.
That was a big part of having a good partnership too.
"And if we weren't together to share this day, you would have missed out on Frankie, the Punisher French Bulldog," she offered with an almost shy smile, a hint of a laugh. Hopefully the start of something that would be contagious.
Frankie's parents, that lovely couple that had confused them for one of their own. It had been awkward, but incredibly sweet too.
It had been such a good day.
"I like experiencing things the way you do, too. Like... I'm glad you don't find it offensive. The whole, you know, counting steps and stuff. I know I have the privilege of being able to see but..." How could she explain it? "I don't know, I just wanna know what it is like for you."
Matt gave a soft laugh at the mention of Frankie the bulldog. "We should have taken a picture. Sent it to Frank. Maybe that would have gotten him out of hiding." Matt wanted to think that Frank was just in hiding. That he wasn't captured, or worse, dead. He had to keep hope alive, because for all their differences, Frank didn't deserve that. Matt was keeping an ear and eye out, figuratively, but so far he'd heard nothing. They'd just have to keep thinking that no news was good news right now.
He didn't let himself become maudlin, not right now.
With a gentle certainty, he brought Kate's fingers up to his face for her to feel. A silent acknowledgement that, no, he didn't find her wanting to be a part of his world offensive. He knew she'd tread lightly over the parts of his face that were still injured, but he didn't mind her seeing him in this way. The manner in which he could see her.
"I like you seeing the world like I can, as much as it's possible. Just like I want to know how you see the world, too."
"I'll keep an eye out for Frakie and his parents," Kate assured Matt as her voice grew a little quieter, aware of everything that was left unsaid about their fears regarding the human Frank. It had been a while since either of them had said Castle's name outloud. Not since the first few days after the blackout, when they asked almost every night if anyone had heard something about his whereabouts. "It's a good thing Frank likes dogs, because he is gonna hate us for calling him a Frenchie."
She couldn't think of Frank in a past tense.
The Punisher had to be hiding somewhere.
Even though music filled the room, there was an odd quietness to it that Kate couldn't shake off herself now. Maybe it was the uncertainty in the air, or how she still held onto the worry of how Matt had not shared how he'd been feeling lately.
All of that was interrupted as he guided her hand up, letting her touch his face.
She had almost forgotten about this. Had not wanted to ask. To push for it.
"... I like sharing it with you."
Not just the way she saw the world. Everything.
Kate swallowed, letting her fingers spread a little, trailing over his skin as she dared to place her palm against his cheek. She was careful, not putting much pressure, but simply touching him, almost testing how it felt.
Shifting on her spot, she turned to face Matt properly now. Focusing mostly on her fingertips, she allowed them to run with more freedom than ever before as they travelled over his face.
"I feel like I'm cheating a little," she confessed with a shy chuckle. "Like I know what I'm looking for."
Maybe that was why instead of simply being curious, her touch felt more like a caress.
So featherlight, like a caress. Matt wasn't touch-starved, he got plenty of affection from his loved ones, but he always welcomed more. This however was different. More intimate in some way, despite not necessarily being romantic. It was just... loving. Pure and unquestioned. Matt let out a small sigh, eyes closed, leaning a little into Kate's fingertips like it felt good. Which it did.
"Maybe don't think of it in terms of cheating," he said softly, "But instead just let it enhance what's normal for you. It's okay not to see things exactly as I do. Just as I can't see things exactly as you do. Maybe what matters is understanding what we can and finding a middle ground for both of us. I like sharing this with you. I like you knowing me as you do. Sight and all."
His hand came to rest on her shoulder, his other one on Lucky's head. His heartbeat quickened with her touches, a warmth settling over him that made him feel connected and at peace.
"I like my partner knowing me."
It came out like a soft murmur, as he hesitantly let his fingers move from her shoulder up to her own face. He didn't stroke over it all, just let his thumb lightly brush against her cheekbone. To rest at her pulse point on her neck, feeling her heartbeat.
Let it enhance things. "Knowing you beyond the things I can see," Kate murmured as she took in Matt's words, quietly following his guidance.
She hesitated, mostly because she was worried about forgetting which parts of his face were the most tender, fearing she would go beyond the limits. She worried she'd cross a line that would hurt Matt in some way. Kate was well aware that she needed to be careful around him.
'I like my partner knowing me.'
It was nothing, it was harmless. It wasn't a confession. It was nothing but a delusion that made her heart beat so much more faster. Stating facts. They were parters, they were close friends. People who worked best knowing each other, finding understanding without the need for words. This was important, beyond some silly, innocent curiosity.
In her heart, she knew it.
Closing her eyes, Kate dared to reach out with her other hand, her fingertips ghosting over Matt's face as she closed her eyes. She tried to remember what she'd felt on her own face, how his hands had explored it with care. Cheekbones, jawline, his nose. She tried her best not to picture it all in her mind, but let those places suddenly appear as her touch discovered them.
But suddenly, it all went away. Like a scared hare, her heart leaped as Kate felt Matt's hand on the side of her neck, his thumb on her cheek. So close to the corner of her mouth.
It was nothing, Kate.
It meant nothing.
Did it mean he could hear her heartbeat? It was so loud even Kate could pretty much feel it vibrate agaist her chest.
"I..." Kate's lips moved, but the first words that came out of it did quietly, usaid. "I really want to get to know you."
He wanted Kate to know him. To see him in ways that didn't terrify, shame, or anger her. She knew the worst of him. What he was capable of doing. What he had done. She still would stand and fight by his side, she still would laugh and watch TV and eat trash with him, too.
She knew him.
IT felt so good to feel it.
In an ugly way, in a way he would not yet admit or indulge, it was tempting to let her know him in other ways, too.
He felt her heartbeat, but did he dare let her hand slip to his chest to feel his own? It was fast to match.
His voice was low as he let his hand caress the side of her face, to then let it slide down to her hand. Her wrist. "I trust you to know me.
I hope you trust me to know you, too."
That he would never betray her, never use what was between them against her. That he stood at her side. He was her partner.
A kid, a spoiled princess, a brat. A rich bitch who paid her way through college and bribed judges and bought competitions. A quirky, talkative friend who was never afraid to start a conversation with strangers. An overachiever with great grades and a talent for sports. The weird girl obsessed with Clint Barton.
The criminal who had attacked Kingpin.
Hawkeye.
Kate had been called many names. Had even been nothing but a child in his eyes, she knew it. She still couldn't fully shake off that shame she felt over how her stupid sense of humor had angered him at times. How frustrated she had been, so ashamed of her own behavior that holding back tears had been impossible. For how long had Matt feared he'd been to blame for it? For making a girl cry.
Things were different now, though.
It was strange. It wasn't even that long since they reconnected. But these last few months, it felt as if Matt had always been a core part of her life. These days, she couldn't imagine a life in which more than a couple of days passed without them checking on each other, hanging, working together.
Matt saw her differently now. Deep down, Kate was sure of it. She could have sworn it.
Kate's lips parted as she took a deep breath. She was aware. His beard was a little prickly as she traced it with her thumb, a sensation that pulled on the corners of her mouth. Her smile, wide now, brushed Matt's palm like a collateral kiss. Kate found herself leaning into his touch, craving more.
"I trust you with my life," she said softly, almost joyful. Because that was a leap she wasn't afraid to take. It was a choice she was happy to make every day. Every night.
Her legs shifted, her knee touching the top of his lap shyly.
It would take a second, nothing more than that. Straddling him. Taking another leap of faith.
No.
Kate shifted again, pulling her leg back, sitting on it more upright.
Kate felt her heart, so swollen by now it almost hurt, compressed by her chest. Mainly, because she knew that Matt meant every word.
It was probably wise, the way they both stepped back, how she'd taken her hands off his face. She regretted it a little, feeling like she hadn't accomplished what she wanted. She had been so distracted that... She hadn't really been able to concentrate so much, had not learned truly how to memorize his face through her touch.
Was this a wasted chance?
Everything felt so confusing. Was her mind playing tricks? Was her heart setting up illusions?
"Well..." At least she could focus on something else now. Something safer. "I think we established now that your body is really trying to send you some signals." Not able to help herself, she ran her hand through his hair.
Surely Matt would feel the shift on the sofa though, as Kate slipped away. Lucky, always faithful, followed. She came back to him, encouraging him to lay down as she placed a big, softer cushion for him to use as a pillow. It was less sturdy than the ones they were leaning against before.
With Matt now laying on the loveseat, Kate moved to stretch out on the corner piece of the L-shaped sofa. She placed a cushion for herself, one that leaned against Matt's. Laying on her stomach, she watched him, the top of his head, his ruffled hair. His hand, tucked. Her hand, laid close to his.
"Yeah. Well, it's better than last time's signals. I went completely deaf for awhile." He could still remember the absolute terror he'd felt, like he'd permanently lost another sense and with it, all of the special gifts he'd been granted. That he'd be both blind and deaf the rest of his life. It was only by the grace of God and Luke's skillful suit-making that this time it hadn't been as bad as that or worse. "But you're right. I should listen to my body more." Should being the operative word. He knew he'd always push himself, would always work harder than he probably should. Yet there clearly was a line, and that line was when pushing himself put his friend at risk.
He felt her fingers thread through his hair and he let out a sigh, his eyes momentarily closing. The sensation was gone swiftly, and while he missed it, he knew better than to ask for its return.
Matt laid down, listening as best he could to Kate's movements. He couldn't track her like normal, and he longed for the return of his abilities when he might. Still, she was back before too long. Once she'd laid down he settled down too, not a moment before. The dog, of course, joined them as well, more than happy for a nap. Matt let the music and the sound of breathing sweep over him, his eyes growing heavy, and before long he'd slipped back into a deep sleep.
How much time passed he couldn't tell, but he awoke with an empty stomach and a full bladder, so he figured it had to have been a few hours. Groggy and disoriented, trying to separate dreams from reality, he rubbed a hand over his face an groggily called out, "Kate?"
It had been a much needed nap. The sort that feels refreshing, dreamless and that leaves you feeling disoriented when you wake up. Kate would have sworn that only a few minutes had passed by since she had been watching Matt. Slowly taken away by sleep, his heavy-eyelids finally closing, his hand so near hers when Kate herself was conquered by her own exhaustion.
It was the buzzing of her phone that did it, the loud vibration on the coffee table. The penthouse was a little darker, the one sign that time had passed by. Kate instantly turned to check on Matt, now laying on his back and stirring probably because of how her phone demanded attention.
Grabbing it and noticing she had a couple of voice messages, Kate walked out of the room. Lucky, always faithful even when a little groggy, hopped off the sofa and followed her. It was Lucky who, a little later, warned her that Matt was awake, after Kate herself made a quick stop by the half-bathroom that was the closest to the TV room. She was just done peeing and washing her face - as she had been clearly drooling on her sleep - as Lucky's insistance caught her attention. "Matt?"
Was he up? Had his powers returned? Was he still powerless and dangerously wandering around he penthouse?
She was relieved to find him still on the sofa.
"Matt, are you okay?" She asked after noticing his eyes were open, approaching his side. After a moment of hesitation, she asked: "How are you feeling?"
[OOC: I figure we can let him try Kate's noodles and the pizza rolls, give him his powers back during that, and close the scene out then? He has to get to try her noodles, LOL. But as he's eating them I'll have his powers show up again.]
Matt slowly came to sit up. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, that cotton sensation from a deep sleep. The cobwebs were slowly clearing from his mind, though. At hearing Kate's voice he relaxed, knowing she was in the room and at his side again. The panting too was a familiar sound, and Matt smiled a little. He reached out to find Lucky's head and gave it a few reassuring pats. At Kate's question though he knew what she was really asking. His heart sank a little as he shook his head no, saying softly, "Nothing yet."
He felt better. Stronger. Still he didn't have his powers, though. He tried to disregard that feeling in the pit of his stomach, reaching out to offer his hand to Kate. "It's gonna be okay, though. Promise. They'll come back." Was he reassuring her or both of them?
"How are you feeling, though? Everything all right?"
[ooc: At the very least Matt needs to try those noodles for sure! Other than that I'm in no rush, so totally up to you when the powers make their way back. Maybe the spice-rush does the trick, lol!]
It wass Lucky who first made it there, his paws perching him to the edge of the sofa and by Matt's side. If Kate had not stopped him the dog might have crawled up over Matt's chest, seemingly unaware of his size or weight.
"Okay, it's nothing to worry about." Matt probably needed more time. A couple of naps were nothing, sure not enough for his body to recover from all that trauma.
As Matt reached out for her, Kate smiled softly and took his hand, sitting on the edge of the seat and against his thigh. It was so strange. She was used to this behavior when it was nothing but an act. But now? Matt really couldn't tell where she was, where to talk to. "Yeah, you just need more time. It'll be fine," she quickly supported that reassurance.
"I'm good," she instantly admitted, unaware of how much more earnest she was about how she was feeling herself. "I mean, shit, I really needed another nap. I passed out straight away." Who knew who was playing the trumpet in the backgound now? They might have slept through most of that docuseries. "Here," reaching for one of the glasses of water on the coffee table, she guided Matt's hand to it. "You should drink something."
[OOC: 100%, Matt needs to eat the noodles and be all, "This is GREAT!" then as he's eating get his powers back and being all, "OMG SODIUM."]
Matt gave a soft laugh as Lucky tried to snuggle up to him. The dog knew how to make him feel better, as did Kate. "Easy, buddy. I know. I love you, too." He pushed himself to a fully upright position, rubbing his eyes to wipe away the last of the sleep crust. He was glad that Kate played along with him in what he'd said. He hoped she even believed it. He leaned into her when she sat near him, his thumb lightly brushing against her hand that he held. "Yeah. Just more time." It had to be that.
His head tilted as he listened to her reassure him that she was fine, his shoulders relaxing and his head nodding as he accepted it. Even now he still cared more about her than himself. "I had to make sure," he told her with a little shoulder bump. "After all, you've put up with me all day. That would be enough to drive anyone crazy." Not just putting up with him, helping take care of him. She'd already done so much. It was sweet, and he knew that she didn't mind, but he wanted to do something to show his appreciation for it. In a more serious voice he added, "Well, it was a late night for all of us. And I know it's been stressful. I'm glad you got some sleep. Hope there were some nice dreams to go along with it."
At the offering of water his bladder balked, but he heard how croaky his voice was, so he didn't protest. He took the glass with a nod, slowly sipping it down. His voice sounded clearer the more he drank. "You up for the incredibly healthy lunch - dinner? - of noodles and pizza rolls?" At the very word pizza Lucky began to bark, making Matt snort. He slowly got to his feet, water glass in hand, reaching out his other hand for Kate. "I think Lucky is telling us it's time."
[ooc: Possible side effects include potential osteoporosis, strokes, heart failure, high blood pressure and the chances of recovering your freaky radar powers.]
It always warmed Kate's heart to watch Matt interact with her dog, how Lucky seemed to always find a way to make even a miserable moment so much easier to bear. The ease in which Matt professed his love for the dog. It was sweet to know that despite of what a hard day he was having, now he had the chance to enjoy Lucky's company without having to endure an unpleasant smell.
It was a small mercy.
"Oh, it's been a super hard day for me. Enjoying great company and then eating and napping all day?" Kate chuckled softly, resting her head on Matt's shoulder in a silent sign of support. Of closeness and appreciation. Gratitude, even, for all the things she'd listed and that remained unsaid. He knew, after all he had been there. "I don't remember any dreams. What about you?"
But soon enough they were on their feet and, Kate had to admit, that breakfast burger was no longer keeping her stomach full. "Yeah, I could do with a bite. Believe it or not, it's getting dark. We really had some good naps." Guiding Matt's hand to her arm, she held it in place as she guided him through the house. "Do you wanna go to the bathroom? Wash your face or something?"
Matt shook his head. "No, I don't remember any dreams. I mean, I've remembered dreams in the past, but today I didn't. Have you ever had any recurring ones?" As usual no matter what he leaned into having conversation and being curious about her. Somehow for how often they talk, he still isn't tired of it. He still enjoyed hearing what she had to say and her thoughts on things. He wanted to know about important life matters like her dad and her take on her schooling, and he wanted to know silly, more irreverent things like what were her favorite instant noodles and what recurring dreams she'd had.
"Wow." If the sun was already setting, they had indeed been knocked out for a fair number of hours. No wonder he felt so much more rested. "I'm not sure I've ever napped all day. Well, most of the day." A part of him felt lazy, and his hand automatically went for his phone to check in with Kirsten out of habit. He knew he'd had a long night and a serious injury, but old habits died hard. "I don't even have a neck crick. That's a really nice sofa." As they made their way to the kitchen he pulled a playful face and asked, "Why, what's wrong with my face? I don't have drool on it, do I?" He reached up a hand and, thankfully, he didn't feel anything in his beard.
"Recurring dreams?" This was one of the things she loved best about hanging with Matt. Things had started with the most strictly business-like relationship, with him being a little imposing in his devil suit. But Kate had instantly had a good feeling about him, about how she could take those barriers down. And here they were now, spending a lazy day of recovery together and talking about the silliest things.
"Well, I did have the falling dream before. You know, when you wake up giving a kick? It was so stupid, though. I was climbing up some stairs and the wallpaper around me was like a sky with clouds. Like the Toy Story one?" After mentioning it, she had to wonder if Matt had even seen the movie. "Huh. Anyway, I would reach a door and after stepping through it, I'd fall." It was silly, almost cartoonish, but it really stuck with her. "Or sometimes I dream that I'm being chased and my legs are incredibly heavy and its so hard to move."
A therapist would probably have a field day with her, Kate suspected. "What about you?"
At Matt's shock and his knee-jerk reaction to check on work, Kate gave his arm a squeeze. "Hey, it's okay to have a slow day from time to time." But she understood why Matt struggled with the thought. Did he ever stop? Not even on Sundays, as he was busy with church stuff.
As they made it to the kitchen, Kate found the bag with the souvenirs Matt had bought and handed Lucky his capybara plushie. The dog stood on his hind legs to grab it, wagging his tail in excitement. "There's nothing wrong!" Kate laughed. "I was just being really nice in how I asked if you needed to make room for the noodles. But I can ask if you need to take a shit if you want me to be more blunt about it!"
"Huh." Matt considered the dreams she'd told him and mused for a moment. "Did you ever wonder what they meant? Falling and being too slow sound like anxiety dreams to me, but I'm not a dream therapist." Or a therapist at all. He'd lost his eyesight before seeing Toy Story, so he didn't have the visual frame of reference, but he did know what a sky with clouds looked like. "Was there something going on at the time that you think caused them?"
Of course Kate then turned the question back on him. Neither of them let the conversation linger just on themselves for long. Just as she reassured him it was okay to take a day. He put his phone away and held up his hands. "All right, all right, I'm done now. For now. I promise. As for my recurring dreams... there was one where I was playing outside, but it suddenly wasn't safe. Only the reason it wasn't safe outside was because of an evil witch inside the apartment complex. I had to get inside and find the evil before it was too late, but I didn't know where to look and everything was dark, so I just kept running up the stairs trying to find it. I'd always wake up before I did - and before it caught me. Then there was another time where my dad was slowly fading away. I kept trying to keep him around, to make him eat and make sure he was all right, but nothing was working."
All right, maybe recurring dreams weren't actually all that fun.
A beat. "At least I never had the dream where I had to give a speech naked."
Matt felt across the table, moving around to stand beside Kate. He smiled as he heard the dog's happy muffled yips, clearly having been given his toy.
"No, I don't have to shit," Matt laughed. "Just taking a moment though at you having decorum." He felt bad having to rely on her for everything though, even walking to and from the bathroom. He knew she didn't mind, but still, a part of him always felt apologetic about asking. "I'll probably have to stop for the other reason soon, but we can start making the food for now." A beat, then he grinned in her direction. "So did you drool, then?"
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-05-26 12:27 am (UTC)He let himself be guided with her when back at the penthouse, counting the steps with her to help him memorize the space. He made sure to take steps that he normally would take, or else the count would be off for him. Once inside he let her put away the groceries how she wanted in her fridge and freezer, finishing off his iced coffee. It had helped keep him cool on the walk over, and he did like the sweet edge it had. Not too sweet now on his tongue.
"I think I'm still digesting breakfast, but maybe some waters would be good? I can help carry them." He didn't want to be utterly useless even inside. As she got the water he doted on Lucky who had joined them. "So what are you in the mood to watch? With the caveat don't make it anything you really want me to see. I can't promise I won't pass out during it." He'd try his best but he could feel sleepiness settling in even after his second cup of coffee. Not an immediate need to sleep but the body-tiredness of a long day having been had, or in their case, recovering from many.
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Date: 2025-05-26 12:40 am (UTC)"Sure. There's sparkly or regular water. Either is fine by me." Because as much as she enjoyed her soda, Kate made sure to also keep properly hydrated.
Satisfied as they had their drinks, Kate guided him to the TV room, Lucky leading the way and looking back as if to check if they were following. "Maybe we can watch one of those jazz documentaries you told me about? I'm in the mood for something super chill because I'm probably going to pass out myself."
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Date: 2025-05-26 11:37 am (UTC)It wasn't long before jazz began to sing in his ears, a sound he found soothing. He patted the other side of him then for Kate to come join them. "You'll like it," he promised, or at least, he thought she might. Who didn't like jazz?
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Date: 2025-05-26 12:53 pm (UTC)Kate, who had been busy with the remote finding the documentaries she'd saved after Matt recommended them, never truly thinking she'd make the time to watch them, was happy to hear the music filling the room. In all honesty? She was far more interested in watching them because Matt had enjoyed them than over what the documetary itself was about.
"It does sound interesting," she offered as she sat by his side, legs tucked under herself as she tried not to lean too closely to him.
The music had filled the room and she managed to stay quiet and pay attention for only a few minutes before she spoke up. "Can I tell you a secret?"
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Date: 2025-05-26 01:08 pm (UTC)When Kate spoke though he reopened his eyes. Head leaning back against the sofa cushions, he tilted it in her direction. His unfocused gaze fell to the left of her face, but he tracked her voice as best he could as he said with assurance, "Yeah, sure. Of course. Wait, does it involve where a body is buried? I don't have a shovel." The last part was said teasingly.
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Date: 2025-05-26 01:20 pm (UTC)"Nah, just wondering if you'd take my case as my lawyer or if the buried body is going against me," she played along, smiling lazily as she turned to look at Matt.
It still squeezed her heart a little to see the big bruise the night had left as a souvenir on his face. The spot where he'd received the shot wasn't as swollen as he had been before they passed out together, but it was all looking so much better by now.
Or maybe it was the fact that Matt looked so relaxed? So content.
"Last night was so scary." That cop holding that gun to Matt's face. If Kate had been a few seconds too late...
"But this was the best day I've had in a long time," she confessed quietly. "And I know you're going through a hard time right now, with your powers and all. I feel so bad for having a good time."
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Date: 2025-05-26 01:36 pm (UTC)His stomach dropped a little, face grimacing a touch at the mention of last night. A silent agreement that it had indeed been scary. "I'm sorry I put you in danger." His voice was quiet, and even though he knew that wasn't what Kate had meant, he still felt compelled to say it, to confess. "My abilities were getting harder to control already." He'd been so exhausted his body had already been starting to break. "I thought I had a handle on it, though. Then I just heard this ringing and I didn't recover fast enough, and..." Well. He'd gotten himself shot.
"I shouldn't have put my partner at risk like that. It won't happen again."
He felt along the cushion next to him until he hit her knee, resting his hand upwards to take hers if she wanted. He gave a small smile.
"Today has been a good day. We're alive. I reminded myself how lucky I am most days, to spend today without what I can normally do. Sometimes it does help to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. I got to do that as a blind man, and I got to do that as someone with normal senses to experience what you like. I won't pretend it hasn't been hard, but maybe it's also been a little bit of a blessing."
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Date: 2025-05-26 02:08 pm (UTC)"You can tell me about those things, Matt," she told him quietly as a soft piano seemed to guide them through their emotions. "I'm not mad or --" Just a little shocked now to hear these news. She had figured that his body was demanding some rest by now, but had no idea that his senses had not been at their best. "Look, this is the whole point of having a partner. I was there for you when you needed me," she offered, hoping to sound a little more hopeful now. A little more positive.
They did get out of that alive, after all.
Without hesitation, Kate founds herself taking Matt's hand, holding tightly onto it as she returned a smile he would never see.
It was his words that did it, though. They brought clarity to a situation in a way she had not anticipated. Because, even though Matt was going through a hard time, at least he had not endured it alone.
That was a big part of having a good partnership too.
"And if we weren't together to share this day, you would have missed out on Frankie, the Punisher French Bulldog," she offered with an almost shy smile, a hint of a laugh. Hopefully the start of something that would be contagious.
Frankie's parents, that lovely couple that had confused them for one of their own. It had been awkward, but incredibly sweet too.
It had been such a good day.
"I like experiencing things the way you do, too. Like... I'm glad you don't find it offensive. The whole, you know, counting steps and stuff. I know I have the privilege of being able to see but..." How could she explain it? "I don't know, I just wanna know what it is like for you."
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Date: 2025-05-26 02:47 pm (UTC)He didn't let himself become maudlin, not right now.
With a gentle certainty, he brought Kate's fingers up to his face for her to feel. A silent acknowledgement that, no, he didn't find her wanting to be a part of his world offensive. He knew she'd tread lightly over the parts of his face that were still injured, but he didn't mind her seeing him in this way. The manner in which he could see her.
"I like you seeing the world like I can, as much as it's possible. Just like I want to know how you see the world, too."
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Date: 2025-05-26 03:23 pm (UTC)She couldn't think of Frank in a past tense.
The Punisher had to be hiding somewhere.
Even though music filled the room, there was an odd quietness to it that Kate couldn't shake off herself now. Maybe it was the uncertainty in the air, or how she still held onto the worry of how Matt had not shared how he'd been feeling lately.
All of that was interrupted as he guided her hand up, letting her touch his face.
She had almost forgotten about this. Had not wanted to ask. To push for it.
"... I like sharing it with you."
Not just the way she saw the world. Everything.
Kate swallowed, letting her fingers spread a little, trailing over his skin as she dared to place her palm against his cheek. She was careful, not putting much pressure, but simply touching him, almost testing how it felt.
Shifting on her spot, she turned to face Matt properly now. Focusing mostly on her fingertips, she allowed them to run with more freedom than ever before as they travelled over his face.
"I feel like I'm cheating a little," she confessed with a shy chuckle. "Like I know what I'm looking for."
Maybe that was why instead of simply being curious, her touch felt more like a caress.
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Date: 2025-05-26 03:51 pm (UTC)"Maybe don't think of it in terms of cheating," he said softly, "But instead just let it enhance what's normal for you. It's okay not to see things exactly as I do. Just as I can't see things exactly as you do. Maybe what matters is understanding what we can and finding a middle ground for both of us. I like sharing this with you. I like you knowing me as you do. Sight and all."
His hand came to rest on her shoulder, his other one on Lucky's head. His heartbeat quickened with her touches, a warmth settling over him that made him feel connected and at peace.
"I like my partner knowing me."
It came out like a soft murmur, as he hesitantly let his fingers move from her shoulder up to her own face. He didn't stroke over it all, just let his thumb lightly brush against her cheekbone. To rest at her pulse point on her neck, feeling her heartbeat.
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Date: 2025-05-26 04:27 pm (UTC)She hesitated, mostly because she was worried about forgetting which parts of his face were the most tender, fearing she would go beyond the limits. She worried she'd cross a line that would hurt Matt in some way. Kate was well aware that she needed to be careful around him.
'I like my partner knowing me.'
It was nothing, it was harmless. It wasn't a confession. It was nothing but a delusion that made her heart beat so much more faster. Stating facts. They were parters, they were close friends. People who worked best knowing each other, finding understanding without the need for words. This was important, beyond some silly, innocent curiosity.
In her heart, she knew it.
Closing her eyes, Kate dared to reach out with her other hand, her fingertips ghosting over Matt's face as she closed her eyes. She tried to remember what she'd felt on her own face, how his hands had explored it with care. Cheekbones, jawline, his nose. She tried her best not to picture it all in her mind, but let those places suddenly appear as her touch discovered them.
But suddenly, it all went away. Like a scared hare, her heart leaped as Kate felt Matt's hand on the side of her neck, his thumb on her cheek. So close to the corner of her mouth.
It was nothing, Kate.
It meant nothing.
Did it mean he could hear her heartbeat? It was so loud even Kate could pretty much feel it vibrate agaist her chest.
"I..." Kate's lips moved, but the first words that came out of it did quietly, usaid. "I really want to get to know you."
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Date: 2025-05-26 05:34 pm (UTC)He wanted Kate to know him. To see him in ways that didn't terrify, shame, or anger her. She knew the worst of him. What he was capable of doing. What he had done. She still would stand and fight by his side, she still would laugh and watch TV and eat trash with him, too.
She knew him.
IT felt so good to feel it.
In an ugly way, in a way he would not yet admit or indulge, it was tempting to let her know him in other ways, too.
He felt her heartbeat, but did he dare let her hand slip to his chest to feel his own? It was fast to match.
His voice was low as he let his hand caress the side of her face, to then let it slide down to her hand. Her wrist. "I trust you to know me.
I hope you trust me to know you, too."
That he would never betray her, never use what was between them against her. That he stood at her side. He was her partner.
It meant nothing.
It was everything.
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Date: 2025-05-26 07:36 pm (UTC)A kid, a spoiled princess, a brat. A rich bitch who paid her way through college and bribed judges and bought competitions. A quirky, talkative friend who was never afraid to start a conversation with strangers. An overachiever with great grades and a talent for sports. The weird girl obsessed with Clint Barton.
The criminal who had attacked Kingpin.
Hawkeye.
Kate had been called many names. Had even been nothing but a child in his eyes, she knew it. She still couldn't fully shake off that shame she felt over how her stupid sense of humor had angered him at times. How frustrated she had been, so ashamed of her own behavior that holding back tears had been impossible. For how long had Matt feared he'd been to blame for it? For making a girl cry.
Things were different now, though.
It was strange. It wasn't even that long since they reconnected. But these last few months, it felt as if Matt had always been a core part of her life. These days, she couldn't imagine a life in which more than a couple of days passed without them checking on each other, hanging, working together.
Matt saw her differently now. Deep down, Kate was sure of it. She could have sworn it.
Kate's lips parted as she took a deep breath. She was aware. His beard was a little prickly as she traced it with her thumb, a sensation that pulled on the corners of her mouth. Her smile, wide now, brushed Matt's palm like a collateral kiss. Kate found herself leaning into his touch, craving more.
"I trust you with my life," she said softly, almost joyful. Because that was a leap she wasn't afraid to take. It was a choice she was happy to make every day. Every night.
Her legs shifted, her knee touching the top of his lap shyly.
It would take a second, nothing more than that. Straddling him. Taking another leap of faith.
No.
Kate shifted again, pulling her leg back, sitting on it more upright.
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Date: 2025-05-26 09:17 pm (UTC)He lightly stroked her cheek, giving her the touch she needed, that they both craved, before each pulled back before it went too far.
"I'll protect it with my own," he promised in return.
The air felt saturated, but not heavy. He sucked in a breath and let his head fall back against the cushion.
He listened to Armstrong play. Lucky seemed to have quieted, too.
His body felt heavy and leaden. Sleepy. His eyes were half-lidded. "I don't usually get tired this fast."
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Date: 2025-05-26 09:54 pm (UTC)It was probably wise, the way they both stepped back, how she'd taken her hands off his face. She regretted it a little, feeling like she hadn't accomplished what she wanted. She had been so distracted that... She hadn't really been able to concentrate so much, had not learned truly how to memorize his face through her touch.
Was this a wasted chance?
Everything felt so confusing. Was her mind playing tricks? Was her heart setting up illusions?
"Well..." At least she could focus on something else now. Something safer. "I think we established now that your body is really trying to send you some signals." Not able to help herself, she ran her hand through his hair.
Surely Matt would feel the shift on the sofa though, as Kate slipped away. Lucky, always faithful, followed. She came back to him, encouraging him to lay down as she placed a big, softer cushion for him to use as a pillow. It was less sturdy than the ones they were leaning against before.
With Matt now laying on the loveseat, Kate moved to stretch out on the corner piece of the L-shaped sofa. She placed a cushion for herself, one that leaned against Matt's. Laying on her stomach, she watched him, the top of his head, his ruffled hair. His hand, tucked. Her hand, laid close to his.
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Date: 2025-05-28 10:55 am (UTC)He felt her fingers thread through his hair and he let out a sigh, his eyes momentarily closing. The sensation was gone swiftly, and while he missed it, he knew better than to ask for its return.
Matt laid down, listening as best he could to Kate's movements. He couldn't track her like normal, and he longed for the return of his abilities when he might. Still, she was back before too long. Once she'd laid down he settled down too, not a moment before. The dog, of course, joined them as well, more than happy for a nap. Matt let the music and the sound of breathing sweep over him, his eyes growing heavy, and before long he'd slipped back into a deep sleep.
How much time passed he couldn't tell, but he awoke with an empty stomach and a full bladder, so he figured it had to have been a few hours. Groggy and disoriented, trying to separate dreams from reality, he rubbed a hand over his face an groggily called out, "Kate?"
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Date: 2025-05-28 05:21 pm (UTC)It was the buzzing of her phone that did it, the loud vibration on the coffee table. The penthouse was a little darker, the one sign that time had passed by. Kate instantly turned to check on Matt, now laying on his back and stirring probably because of how her phone demanded attention.
Grabbing it and noticing she had a couple of voice messages, Kate walked out of the room. Lucky, always faithful even when a little groggy, hopped off the sofa and followed her. It was Lucky who, a little later, warned her that Matt was awake, after Kate herself made a quick stop by the half-bathroom that was the closest to the TV room. She was just done peeing and washing her face - as she had been clearly drooling on her sleep - as Lucky's insistance caught her attention. "Matt?"
Was he up? Had his powers returned? Was he still powerless and dangerously wandering around he penthouse?
She was relieved to find him still on the sofa.
"Matt, are you okay?" She asked after noticing his eyes were open, approaching his side. After a moment of hesitation, she asked: "How are you feeling?"
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Date: 2025-05-28 05:38 pm (UTC)Matt slowly came to sit up. His tongue felt thick in his mouth, that cotton sensation from a deep sleep. The cobwebs were slowly clearing from his mind, though. At hearing Kate's voice he relaxed, knowing she was in the room and at his side again. The panting too was a familiar sound, and Matt smiled a little. He reached out to find Lucky's head and gave it a few reassuring pats. At Kate's question though he knew what she was really asking. His heart sank a little as he shook his head no, saying softly, "Nothing yet."
He felt better. Stronger. Still he didn't have his powers, though. He tried to disregard that feeling in the pit of his stomach, reaching out to offer his hand to Kate. "It's gonna be okay, though. Promise. They'll come back." Was he reassuring her or both of them?
"How are you feeling, though? Everything all right?"
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Date: 2025-05-28 05:54 pm (UTC)It wass Lucky who first made it there, his paws perching him to the edge of the sofa and by Matt's side. If Kate had not stopped him the dog might have crawled up over Matt's chest, seemingly unaware of his size or weight.
"Okay, it's nothing to worry about." Matt probably needed more time. A couple of naps were nothing, sure not enough for his body to recover from all that trauma.
As Matt reached out for her, Kate smiled softly and took his hand, sitting on the edge of the seat and against his thigh. It was so strange. She was used to this behavior when it was nothing but an act. But now? Matt really couldn't tell where she was, where to talk to. "Yeah, you just need more time. It'll be fine," she quickly supported that reassurance.
"I'm good," she instantly admitted, unaware of how much more earnest she was about how she was feeling herself. "I mean, shit, I really needed another nap. I passed out straight away." Who knew who was playing the trumpet in the backgound now? They might have slept through most of that docuseries. "Here," reaching for one of the glasses of water on the coffee table, she guided Matt's hand to it. "You should drink something."
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Date: 2025-05-28 06:18 pm (UTC)Matt gave a soft laugh as Lucky tried to snuggle up to him. The dog knew how to make him feel better, as did Kate. "Easy, buddy. I know. I love you, too." He pushed himself to a fully upright position, rubbing his eyes to wipe away the last of the sleep crust. He was glad that Kate played along with him in what he'd said. He hoped she even believed it. He leaned into her when she sat near him, his thumb lightly brushing against her hand that he held. "Yeah. Just more time." It had to be that.
His head tilted as he listened to her reassure him that she was fine, his shoulders relaxing and his head nodding as he accepted it. Even now he still cared more about her than himself. "I had to make sure," he told her with a little shoulder bump. "After all, you've put up with me all day. That would be enough to drive anyone crazy." Not just putting up with him, helping take care of him. She'd already done so much. It was sweet, and he knew that she didn't mind, but he wanted to do something to show his appreciation for it. In a more serious voice he added, "Well, it was a late night for all of us. And I know it's been stressful. I'm glad you got some sleep. Hope there were some nice dreams to go along with it."
At the offering of water his bladder balked, but he heard how croaky his voice was, so he didn't protest. He took the glass with a nod, slowly sipping it down. His voice sounded clearer the more he drank. "You up for the incredibly healthy lunch - dinner? - of noodles and pizza rolls?" At the very word pizza Lucky began to bark, making Matt snort. He slowly got to his feet, water glass in hand, reaching out his other hand for Kate. "I think Lucky is telling us it's time."
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Date: 2025-05-28 06:35 pm (UTC)It always warmed Kate's heart to watch Matt interact with her dog, how Lucky seemed to always find a way to make even a miserable moment so much easier to bear. The ease in which Matt professed his love for the dog. It was sweet to know that despite of what a hard day he was having, now he had the chance to enjoy Lucky's company without having to endure an unpleasant smell.
It was a small mercy.
"Oh, it's been a super hard day for me. Enjoying great company and then eating and napping all day?" Kate chuckled softly, resting her head on Matt's shoulder in a silent sign of support. Of closeness and appreciation. Gratitude, even, for all the things she'd listed and that remained unsaid. He knew, after all he had been there. "I don't remember any dreams. What about you?"
But soon enough they were on their feet and, Kate had to admit, that breakfast burger was no longer keeping her stomach full. "Yeah, I could do with a bite. Believe it or not, it's getting dark. We really had some good naps." Guiding Matt's hand to her arm, she held it in place as she guided him through the house. "Do you wanna go to the bathroom? Wash your face or something?"
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Date: 2025-05-28 06:47 pm (UTC)"Wow." If the sun was already setting, they had indeed been knocked out for a fair number of hours. No wonder he felt so much more rested. "I'm not sure I've ever napped all day. Well, most of the day." A part of him felt lazy, and his hand automatically went for his phone to check in with Kirsten out of habit. He knew he'd had a long night and a serious injury, but old habits died hard. "I don't even have a neck crick. That's a really nice sofa." As they made their way to the kitchen he pulled a playful face and asked, "Why, what's wrong with my face? I don't have drool on it, do I?" He reached up a hand and, thankfully, he didn't feel anything in his beard.
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Date: 2025-05-28 07:04 pm (UTC)"Well, I did have the falling dream before. You know, when you wake up giving a kick? It was so stupid, though. I was climbing up some stairs and the wallpaper around me was like a sky with clouds. Like the Toy Story one?" After mentioning it, she had to wonder if Matt had even seen the movie. "Huh. Anyway, I would reach a door and after stepping through it, I'd fall." It was silly, almost cartoonish, but it really stuck with her. "Or sometimes I dream that I'm being chased and my legs are incredibly heavy and its so hard to move."
A therapist would probably have a field day with her, Kate suspected. "What about you?"
At Matt's shock and his knee-jerk reaction to check on work, Kate gave his arm a squeeze. "Hey, it's okay to have a slow day from time to time." But she understood why Matt struggled with the thought. Did he ever stop? Not even on Sundays, as he was busy with church stuff.
As they made it to the kitchen, Kate found the bag with the souvenirs Matt had bought and handed Lucky his capybara plushie. The dog stood on his hind legs to grab it, wagging his tail in excitement. "There's nothing wrong!" Kate laughed. "I was just being really nice in how I asked if you needed to make room for the noodles. But I can ask if you need to take a shit if you want me to be more blunt about it!"
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Date: 2025-05-28 07:29 pm (UTC)Of course Kate then turned the question back on him. Neither of them let the conversation linger just on themselves for long. Just as she reassured him it was okay to take a day. He put his phone away and held up his hands. "All right, all right, I'm done now. For now. I promise. As for my recurring dreams... there was one where I was playing outside, but it suddenly wasn't safe. Only the reason it wasn't safe outside was because of an evil witch inside the apartment complex. I had to get inside and find the evil before it was too late, but I didn't know where to look and everything was dark, so I just kept running up the stairs trying to find it. I'd always wake up before I did - and before it caught me. Then there was another time where my dad was slowly fading away. I kept trying to keep him around, to make him eat and make sure he was all right, but nothing was working."
All right, maybe recurring dreams weren't actually all that fun.
A beat. "At least I never had the dream where I had to give a speech naked."
Matt felt across the table, moving around to stand beside Kate. He smiled as he heard the dog's happy muffled yips, clearly having been given his toy.
"No, I don't have to shit," Matt laughed. "Just taking a moment though at you having decorum." He felt bad having to rely on her for everything though, even walking to and from the bathroom. He knew she didn't mind, but still, a part of him always felt apologetic about asking. "I'll probably have to stop for the other reason soon, but we can start making the food for now." A beat, then he grinned in her direction. "So did you drool, then?"
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